Ice Cream Is The Answer

I have this friend, who is pretty awesome, and she and I have a saying.

Ok, well, two sayings.

“Music is the answer.”

Or, “Pizza is the answer.”

I don’t really think anyone can argue with those two statements, and I especially believe them to be true since music has pretty much been my savior during my recovery and there are many days when nothing satisfies me more than the crunchy italian specialty, BUT, yesterday I added something else to my list of “answers;” ice cream.

I have professed my love for make your own fro-yo, and of course my infatuation with Arctic Zero…and even expressed the joy that came from trying Butter Pecan ice cream for the first time when we were in Walt Disney World, but if I am being honest, despite the desires I have had for ice cream the last few weeks, they have pretty much gone ignored.

I mean, I didn’t run out to the store when my body said, “a cold novelty would taste really good right now…ice cream would feel fantastic on this pain in the ass sore throat I have had for weeks…”

I ignored all those signals my stomach was sending my brain because I was no longer on vacation and no longer deserved such an “indulgent treat.”

Well yesterday, my mom won a free room at The Borgata and treated me to a night at the Atlantic City hotel and Casino, and an outing to see Adrian Lux at Mur Mur.

Borgata 041

But before we slept in the amazingly comfortable bed, or danced the night away with one of my favorite DJ’s, I had ice cream.

Which, no pun intended, caused me to have a major melt down.

Post dinner, as we were in the room relaxing and getting ready I freaked out about the two scoops of Ben and Jerry’s I decided to have for dessert. (One of Frozen Greek Banana Peanut Butter and another of the Greek Blueberry Graham, both, eating disorder thoughts aside, are freakin’ delicious.)

Anyway, all I could think about was how weighted down I felt, how bloated and fat I felt in my clothes; how I was embarrassed because of my “gluttonous” choice after I had already had enough for dinner.

Thankfully I have a wonderful husband who reminded me that two months ago seeing a world-famous DJ and dancing for a few hours was completely out of the question due to my low body weight and concern from the doctors.

…Who reminded me that I do not need to exercise hours on end to “deserve” any sort of nutrition, even ice cream that I claimed had no benefit to my body whatsoever (FYI your body can use ANY kind of nutrient in moderation so there is no such thing as a “bad” food).

After my tantrum subsided I put some deep thought into the ridiculous statements I made to my husband, and the tears I shed to my mom, I came to the realization I am obviously not challenging myself enough.

Ice cream is still a challenge for me.

Even pizza I can only justify on nights we go out, or days I am allowed to exercise.

Like I said, food/nutrition is not only needed on days of excessive movement or caloric burn and that mind-set is just going to keep me stuck.

This means I need to a. try more fear foods, b. try them more often c. reframe the thoughts that come after.

This is by no means going to be easy, but I thought I would link up with a friend who is pretty new to the blog world but has a really great thing going…

Freedom From Fear Fridays.

My new friend Jessica is doing a really cool thing by encouraging others to join her in her quest to abolish the stigmas we have around certain foods.  Of course everyone’s recovery is different, and for some people fat may be a major fear while carbs are for someone else…

The point is, challenge YOUR fears…not just in the realm of food, but for life in general because it truly is the only way to conquer them.

Cliche I know, but absolutely true.

I am already brainstorming for this Friday.

Happy Tuesday my friends.  Make it an awesome week!!


7 thoughts on “Ice Cream Is The Answer

  1. Hi CJ! First of all, I’m SO glad that you’re blogging more regularly now, I’ve really REALLY missed your posts.

    Second, I am SO happy for you in taking steps towards recovery. This is a good thing. In fact, it’s GREAT. And I know as someone who has these same struggles and negative thoughts myself that it’s hard to believe, but trust me: no one could ever, EVER look at you and assign the word ‘fat’ or ‘bloated’ to you. I know that’s how you feel, but it’s not true. It just isn’t. You’re beautiful. Gorgeous, actually. I’m tempted to be a little jealous honestly (jk lol)

    Third, I thought I’d also let you know that in the past few weeks, I’ve been taking my own steps towards recovery. I’ve made an ED Bucket list of sorts, where I write out a list of all the things I’ve forbidden myself to do/eat over the past few years. There are 41 in all (I know, that’s a lot), but so far I have done two. Remember that panini sandwich I talked about? I had one last night for dinner with some sweet potato wedges (another of my ‘fear foods’). And guess what? It was DELICIOUS. It was hard, and I’ll be completely honest and admit that I’ve had my own mini meltdowns after accomplishing the goals, but I AM doing it. With the help and encouragement of my boyfriend and older sister I’m staying accountable and motivated, and I’m determined to get through the entire list. My ultimate goal is to get exactly in the place that you’re talking about: where I don’t see things like pizza, ice cream or even sugar as ‘bad’ anymore. Because they’re not. They’re just not.

    …Ben and Jerry’s ice cream…Hmm. Makes me remember Stephen Colbert Americone Dream flavor (one of my faves). I think something’s going to get added to my Bucket List tonight 😉

    So. Having said all that, welcome back and let’s keep moving on this road to recovery together! ❤

    • so so so glad u are pushing yourself more Jess!!! With the support you have you can absolutely make even more strides! food can be so much fun when enjoyed with those we love. let me know if u need anything but it sounds like you are doing great!!! xoxo

  2. Hey CJ….so excited you are gonna do Freedom Fridays….honestly it will keep me accountable to do them too 🙂 And I needed to read this as I faced a ton of fear foods today too….even enjoying a whole bag of skittles as I type (something unforseen for me). You are so inspiring and I am so proud.

    • haha when i first started recovery i felt like every food was a fear food except lettuce and vinegar!! now i realize how boring my life was then! keep pushing girlfriend, you can totally do this!!!!

  3. Glad to see you had a good time with your mom- but please be careful not to think or say a low fat greek frozen yogurt is the same as “ice cream”- the two are sooooooo not the same! Not to discount your experience or challenge, but to tell your ED its a lot more similar to a frozen cup of chobani than anything… And chobani cups arent that scary, right?
    Therefore, you should definatly go buy some for snacks at home 🙂

  4. Hey 🙂 So I have never commented before but have been reading your blog for a looong time (like a year? maybe more?) and I just want to say that I am so beyond stoked for you and all the amazing changes you are making! You are doing a fabulous job and are such an inspiration to me. Your honesty makes me feel so connected and normal.. like I’m not the only one who has those weird irrational thoughts around food! Anyway, just wanted to say keep up the amazing work, and i am looking forward to commenting more from now on haha. Oh, and just fyi, that frozen greek yogurt, delish as it is, is so not the same thing as ice cream. I mean, its amazing, and a great step, but still 🙂 I’m so happy that you are challenging yourself though, and I’m so happy for you for keeping on keeping on.
    xox Gemma

  5. Hey CJ its been a while since I read, I closed my old email
    I happened back upon your blog, by the phrase you use (the journey to find balance), ED or not, think every one can relate. I am happy to see yu make everything so positive and a step forward. Keep it up, you are a huge inspiration!

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