This feels weird.
Sitting down at my computer writing a post, since it has been over a week.
I love blogging. I have told you that a million times before, but I am learning that sometimes in life it is best to take a step back from the things we enjoy and evaluate our reasoning for what purpose they actually serve.
I don’t think I articulated that as well as I intended, but perhaps an example might provide a clearer picture.
I used to love running.
I started running because it gave Ryan and I something to do together and we competed but in a way that was good for our relationship. We pushed each other and wanted to improve but not in a destructive sense.
It then became an obsession.
I needed to be faster, go longer, do more in order to have the same positive feelings.
I started to exclude my husband and did races on my own.
I had to do it every day or I felt like a complete loser and a failure if my times were not better than the day before.
Ultimately, it was more of an addiction than a joy.
Anyway, blogging is not like running if you think of it in terms of my physical health, but my point is similar.
One does not die from being at a desk and typing away…even if a person would do that for hours at a time, but for me personally, blogging started to become more of a detriment than an asset to my recovery, because if I didn’t do it on a regular basis I felt like I was the worst journal-er in the universe. I felt like no one cared and once again I was a big, fat, loser. Since negative self-talk is NOT my friend, I needed to take some time and figure out what I wanted to do.
I don’t want to give up writing, and I certainly don’t want to eliminate connecting with others; since I have made a ton of friends through this medium and absolutely love helping others by sharing my experiences, but right now I am going to set some boundaries to protect myself, and my own journey because there were aspects of Healthy, Happy, Whole that need to change in order to maintain why I actually started doing this.
So first, just like in many treatment centers, I don’t want to talk numbers.
I LOVE when readers e-mail me, and I truly appreciate the reach out, but a caloric plan that works for me, most likely will not work for you.
Everyone has different needs, various activity levels, dietary requirements and I am certainly not in the position to give advice on any of those things. I am not a professional, nor have I succeeded at the whole weight-restoration process before. (I am working on it now though!!!)
As I have done in the past I suggest if you do need more information on meal planning and specifics, please see someone who is licensed and qualified. They will be able to asses you physically and give you a better idea of what your daily goals should be.
I KNOW…trusting a stranger that is telling you to break all your rules is super scary and you read all these forums that tell you about a Buddha belly and how people gain weight so fast, but I can assure you everyone’s situation is going to be different. I know plenty of people who never got an inflated tummy…who could barely gain a pound a week…
Your body will respond to treatment and nourishment however it NEEDS to in order to survive.
I am trying to remember this, as well, so please don’t think I am being mean or harsh by stating I cannot discuss my numbers. I am just trying to be mindful of what will help me, and what I think might help you in the long run, too.
Second, there is a TON more to me than my eating disorder.
If I could tell you the amount of interests I have outside of food and exercise you might be stunned!
Stunned because all I ever talked about on here WAS diet food and physical activity; maybe a bit about travel and my family, but not much else.
Well let me tell you what.
I also like to be-dazzle things.
I like to plan parties.
I like to see my friends on a regular basis.
Watch TV. (HOMELAND?! I can’t believe I did not watch you sooner!!!)
Practice my faith.
I mean, really, the list goes on.
I am hoping you all aren’t too bored if I start discussing more of my daily ventures, but they are a huge part of me, so I am done keeping them hidden and I want to explore MORE.
Time to look at recovery as an adventure, not a chore.
I hope you all have been well. I really have missed my bl-iends, and I am ready to be back! Maybe not as regularly, but definitely every now and then to give you some tid-bits and tips that are helping me, maybe to share in some of my struggles when I need support, and to show you that life is something to celebrate.
Le Dolce Vita, my friends.
Life is sweet.