I am onto my third week in PHP and honestly the honeymoon phase is over.
Since I have been through this process a few times before I knew this was going to happen and fortunately I am much more prepared than I have been in the past, but still, it doesn’t make it THAT much easier.
I have done a pretty good job of NOT counting calories; since my meal plan has already increased twice and we aren’t doing the conventional exchange based system, I am super happy my mind hasn’t completely fixated on numerical values of food.
I am also incorporating a lot of variety in my diet. especially in the “fat” category because I am seriously sick of my hair falling out.
It used to be that I cringed when my dietician would tell me to add a lipid here or there but right now I am thinking the more avocado or nut butter, the better, so I am not completely bald by the age of 26.
I am, however, struggling immensely with the lack of exercise.
Ryan hid, or has, our treadmill key somewhere I don’t know of, which obviously means I am not using my best friend the walking machine and some days I want to crawl out of my skin.
It isn’t necessarily that I NEED the movement to justify food right now, but more so to help manage my anxiety.
There are a ton of stressful things going on in the Weaber household, some of which you know and others that I haven’t yet divulged, and the handy-dandy list of “healthy coping mechanisms” all my treatment teams and therapists have ever given me are kind of lame.
I am the type of person that needs both their mind and hands/body, whatever, stimulated in order to relieve stress. I understand this is not at all good for me right now, but sometimes I feel like I am going a bit stir crazy in this recent sedentary lifestyle.
The other aspect of my recovery that has been bothersome, especially this weekend, is my new-found love for challenge foods.
They are called “challenge” or “fear” foods for a reason, and were not really incorporated into my life at all before the newly implemented “let’s get healthy” plan.
Now, it seems these more difficult items are ALL my body wants.
I still love salad and my good old Chobani, but in the past three weeks there have been gobs of fats mixed in, CEREAL and other carb-a-licious side items (it is particularly dessert items or heavy bread products that are proving to be hard for me to handle but the most appealing to my palate) as the norm, on my plate, and I have trouble telling myself it is ok, and that these cravings will not ALWAYS be the case but that they are strong right now because I have never really had these things before/always labeled them as bad.
SO what can I do to help myself move past this difficult time?
I am a firm believer to first step at overcoming obstacles is identifying them, which I suppose was the main purpose of this post.
I am having trouble with my lack of exercise and stress management since I have never really had a balanced way of working through life’s issues.
I don’t like being the cookie monster because it makes me feel out of control and gluttonous since in my world, the things I am now allowing myself to enjoy were typically deemed “off-limits” or un-healthy.
Step two to working through these two recovery bumps is reframing and setting a goal.
In both instances I have to remember these changes are temporary and that I am currently learning how to LIVE in a more balanced manner.
This means exercise should not be done in an excessive measure, and perhaps sometimes discussing my feelings with someone is more appropriate that personal physical abuse. (Of course, remembering exercise moderation is perfectly ok!!! WHEN I AM MEDICALLY CLEARED TO DO SO.)
And my desire for certain foods is FINE.
It will eventually weaken and incorporating things I enjoy, but that may not be the most nutritious choices, is totally appropriate and encouraged.
When the taboo about these items is relinquished, and my body is in a better state, the chances of the insane NEED to have them will likely become more “normal.” Remember the good old Ancel Keye’s study?!
So this week I am especially going to focus on sorting through the stressors that are going on under my roof and ask for help when I struggling to handle them.
I am also going to work on finding a coping mechanism that is not the treadmill…music and getting lost in the beat is probably my best weapon in this department. <—-I think I have watched the Tomorrowland After Movie about 50 times for this reason…#motivation #noshame
And concerning my food choices….
I just need to let go and trust that my body knows what it need and understands that I have a long way to go in getting back to a healthy mental and physical relationship with nutrition.
If that means I have a giant chocolate muffin from Sandis’s Breads at breakfast and then want another form of chocolate at lunch, so be it.
Sounds good to me! On to week three, friends! I hope you are having a nice long weekend 🙂