MIA But Recovery Focused

I realize I have been totally MIA these last few days but since starting program Wednesday my life has consisted of eating, sleep and minimal time to myself.  Of course I have thrown in some music, a shower and random household chores, but I swear I have slept more in the past three days than I have in the last year.

This is a fantastic sign that my body is repairing the way it NEEDS, to but I would be lying if I said I did not feel completely lazy and that fat was just layering itself on my body by the second.

(Good thing thoughts and reality are NOT always the same thing 😉 )

It was especially difficult hearing, “I noticed you have a cookie every night at dinner…you must really like them…,” this morning as we were doing snack preparation for a lunch I was already not super thrilled to eat.

Yes…I have eaten a cookie every meal since I have started the program, but since I am trying to challenge myself and do away with a negative, black and white thoughts about food, I might as well do it with an item I like and used to consider forbidden, so I will continue to eat a cookie until I tire of them, thank you.

****RANT OVER***

Obviously there has been much more to my days than meals while program is in session; therapy, working to build a new repertoire of coping skills outside physical activity, etc. but the thing I have found most beneficial is just talking with other patients; especially those who are a lot younger than me. and help me realize I DO NOT WANT THIS TO BE MY LIFE.

I have battled this for a pretty significant portion of my life…way way way too long if you ask me, and not that I like the saying “YOLO,” but it does have some truth to it.

I wish someone would have told me what a horrible existence ED DOES bring when I was in high school.

I wish someone would have told me PEOPLE can be trusted and are SO MUCH better friends than a mean voice that WILL turn on you and be a complete tyrant at any second.

I wish people would have told me cookies wouldn’t make me gain 6 pounds the second I ate them and that they should always be accompanied by a glass of ice-cold milk because they absolutely taste better that way.

I wish someone would have told me I was WORTH IT and deserved the same happiness I wanted for everyone else.

I realize this post has pretty much no rhyme or reason, but I just wanted to let you know I am alive, well-rested and ready to continue the fight to becoming healthy, happy and whole.

One step at a time, one bite at a time and I will totally be the best CJ ever, as long as I practice patience, self-love and acceptance.

Do yourself a favor and start your weekend by saying one thing you appreciate about the gifts YOU were blessed with…

Recite a little PTG

And remember, tomorrow is always a new day!

If you can’t do these things for you, then just fake them for me…someday they will become more natural 😉

I love you all 🙂


5 thoughts on “MIA But Recovery Focused

  1. It takes an incredible amount of courage to be where you are, and you should be so proud of yourself! I think it’s so great that you’ve said that you don’t want this to be your life anymore, because you’re completely right. You have a great future ahead without an ED, and it does not define who you are.
    So, congratulations, take care, and keep us updated! (:

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