F*ck Fear Friday

I recently got a comment from someone who could relate to my prior lack of socialization and concluded some of her reclusiveness stemmed from past situations that made her distrust or uncomfortable in groups.

Honestly, I could have written her words myself because when it comes to making new friends, especially female friends, I proceed with caution.

I have been hurt, like, A LOT, in the past.

And some of the people I felt were closest to me turned out to disappoint the most; either by talking behind my back, a lack of inclusion, or just by being blatantly and directly mean.

I harbored resentment for these people, and instances, for a really long time and allowed the emotional impact it had deter me from opening up and finding new people to connect with.

I believed that just because a few people hurt my feelings, everyone was out to do the same thing and would eventually just let me down so it was best to shut down and be a hermit.

Well, let me tell you; that didn’t work so well either, because I ended up finding a very self-destructive replacement that tried to kill me….

Anyway, a huge aspect of my recovery that involves not only food but a ton of emotions is being open to take some risks; try new things, and put myself out there for the world to see.

One of the scariest components of this challenge is associating with and becoming close with other women.

I have mentioned Brielle on here several times and she has been a HUGE asset/wonderful addition to my life.

Not only has she helped me conquer a few items on my list of getting-healthy “must-do’s,” but she is also one of the most fun people I have ever met.

It has been nearly a week since I have seen her and as weird as this may sound I really missed enjoying dinner across the table and a little fro-yo dessert with my friend these past few days. As Chobani would tweet, “People watching and sharing yogurt with a friend…#nothingbutgood.”

Similarly, I met another fabulous companion on one of Ryan and my visits to Rumor in Philadelphia, and over the last month we have formed a friendship that I cherish whole-heartedly.

Both of these women make me want to be better and push me to do so.

And they also help me realize how much I was missing by living in fear, alone, on my couch….or treadmill ( 😦 ), and it breaks my heart that I was responsible for the misery in which I lived.

Don’t let being scared prevent you from being happy. You really have nothing to lose by taking a risk so today, make it your motto and proclaim this “F*ck Fear Friday.”

What do you think?

What holds you back from living the life YOU want?


5 thoughts on “F*ck Fear Friday

  1. I can completely empathise with you. Due to developing AN when I was 8, I became introverted very young, so now, at 17, I haven’t developed the skills I need to communicate with others. I so desperately want to just say to someone ‘do you want to hang out’, but it’s just too damn scary. What if there are awkward silences? What if they agree just because they pity me? What if we have a bad time? There are so many what ifs. But I know that to truly move on with my life, and live the life I need to live, I have to get over this. I need to open myself up to the love and support of others, like you have done with your friend. I think it’s important for sufferers of ED’s to spend time with others, to remember what it was like when food/image/exercise wasn’t a constant thought. Although it can be depressing at times, it can be motivating to get your life back on track. So now my eating is normalised, I no longer have anxiety attacks, and my depression is not as severe, and yet I just can’t seem to open up to others! Thank you for this post, because it has made me remember that i have to work on this (: take care x

  2. I completely agree. Women are just plain mean! I tend to be socially awkward so finding friends can be difficult and time-consuming (it takes a while for someone to know, know me). I’ve learned that having a few quality friends is better than a huge quantity. I’ve also become more open to just doing things myself since making plans can be difficult and most of the time people don’t follow through or no one seems to like to do the things that I like to do. I say everyday should be a **** fear Friday! never realized you lived so close!! =)

  3. Loneliness and solitude- I tend to think of them as wood for the ‘fire’ of ED. When you’re alone with nothing but your thoughts, it strips you of the defenses that I’m beginning to realize are really off the couch, outside the doors of my apartment and in the real world where people live without ED. I’m not going to pretend that I’m crazy about the idea of being more socially active, I still have a long way to go for that, but I do think you’re absolutely right CJ in that, it’s important for us to realize that the world isn’t just full of dangerous people and ‘dangerous foods’ that ‘want’ to hurt us. Maybe that contributes to the introverted behavior that ED tends to bring out.

    Yes, it’s true. There was a time in my life when other girls hated me and wanted to beat me to a pulp for no good reason without even knowing my name. I’ve been stabbed in the back by people I thought were as loyal to me as I was to them. I’ve been hurt. In the same way, yeah it’s also true that there’s food out there that aren’t the healthiest things to put in your mouth. They may not boost your metabolism in the slightest, and the only redeeming qualities about them may be that they just taste damn good. But just because both of those things are true doesn’t mean I should distrust every girl that I meet now and think that she’s another one of the bullies from the past. And, just because there’s no ‘nutritional’ value in some of the foods I may crave doesn’t mean that the food is going to ‘hurt’ me in the same way that people have. Hell, it doesn’t mean it’s going to hurt me at all. Why is it that I’ve begun to see the two as one and the same? That’s just…that’s just not good.

    Thank you for this post. Wow, I’m really doing some serious introspection right now. Gettin kinda deep over here lol. Oh and…F*ck you, Fear! 🙂

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