In my little burst of motivation this weekend, I got to thinking about a few of the comments people made and e-mails I received about truly challenging my behaviors since I obviously have not done well with that in the past.
I believed I could just do what I was doing, diet foods, low calorie everything, in larger quantities and everything would be ok.
I might be able to put on a couple pounds by doing that, but nothing that ever really lasts or progresses further than what I am now. And it certainly does not rip me from the death grip of ED that has taken over my brain.
My life, my decisions, the meal plan I have abided by or thought would make me healthy, are no longer working for me, so if I am going to complain about that then something needs to change.
I know what you are thinking because as my husband pointed out when I was begging him to help me construct meals, new goals to set, etc. what is the point when we have been over this like 7897568947646894 times and nothing has ever been different?
I challenge myself for, um, a day and then freak out.
Welllllll, as a very good bl-iend suggested maybe this forum can be my accountability?
Normally I am pretty embarrassed to disclose anything I eat, or my lack of exercise here because I am scared of being judged…LAZY, FAT, GLUTTONOUS, EW…
You get the point.
But I think I need to perhaps get out of my comfort zone in more ways than one.
Everyone I connect with via social-media, my friends at home that I truly consider my FRIENDS and my family are nothing but supportive so what is the big deal if I eat a cookie or have a little extra around the middle?
The Answer: It isn’t a big deal…Ed just likes to tell me it is to prevent me from living life…
So if anyone would like to join in, with recovery goals, or just challenges in general, the theme of the week (and beyond) is “A CHALLENGE A DAY WILL KEEP THE DOCTOR AWAY!”
I started this on Saturday so here is a little recap of the weekend accomplishments…
Saturday: Increased my meal plan by adding more fat.
I tend to whine a lot about my skin looking pale and my hair dead and lifeless.
Coincidently those things can only alter if I restore my nutrition, particularly by adding fats.
Fats and carbs are the scariest food groups in the world to me; probably because I love them most and I worry that if I have one serving of my favorite Emerald nuts I will need more and more and more.
Um, who cares?
First of all, nuts and other fats are fabulously tasty and second, they are SUPER good for overall wellness.
I used to try and indulge my desires for these things by eating PB2, or having only portions I could precisely measure.
Saturday was my first attempt at letting that go.
PB2, you have nothing on my Wild Squirrel Peanut Honey Pretzel.
Instead of the ONE TABELSPOON of PB2 I thought was “enough,” or the tiny teaspoon of jarred nut butter I considered “plenty,” we upgraded to a spoonful of the real deal.
And this may come as a complete shock, but by adding a little extra here or there, I actually got closer to the meal plan prescribed by medical professionals.
Sunday: NO TREADMILL…NO 45 Minutes….Just a few laps around the neighborhood with my husband.
Normally, even if I walk outside, I feel compelled to do at least 45 minutes, or over 3 miles.
I was tired, I opted to go back to bed with Ry on the dreary morning, and instead after our family picnic we just took a stroll around the neighborhood (that is completely flat, I might add) at a leisurely pace.
I made honest to goodness, non-portion controlled pancakes from a mix.
I saw someone post about a stack of one of my fave breakfast foods on Facebook the night before and knew immediately that would be my challenge the next morning.
I have so many memories of making Mickey Waffles and pancakes with my family, but when the craving hits I opt for frozen waffles to tide my over…light frozen waffles…
After Monday, I will confirm to you that pancakes, even though they did come from a box, are freakin amazing.
Covered in CSA box peaches, some nut butter and greek yogurt. Yup, this was repeated Tuesday.
Tuesday: Ryan is picking up my favorite sandwich of all time from a local cafe.
I have had this lunch a few times throughout my journey and had a ton of anxiety about it because, “oh my gosh the bread is ginormous…the cranberry almond relish is sugary and too much….the portion of turkey is enough for Michael Phelps…” but let’s get serious.
It is a roasted turkey sandwich on whole grain bread without homemade cranberry almond relish.
That is both nutritious and delicious and my favorite sandwich in the entire universe.
Last week my office ordered out from this quaint little cafe to celebrate one of our principal’s birthdays. Originally I ordered it, and then took back my decision and said I did not need to spend any extra money on myself.
It is true I have enormous guilt about spending money on take out but that is because I feel like I do not DESERVE to have something so good.
I craved this darn lunch for a week and then Ryan suggested we have it at dinner so we could enjoy one of favorite locales together.
Obviously I love him for a reason 🙂
Ok, here is where I am stuck.
I WANT and NEED to make progress, but have trouble coming up with challenges for myself, partially because I think ED doesn’t like to admit where I need work.
(I need a lot of work!)
So if you want to offer up any suggestions I would GREATLY appreciate your advice.
How do you challenge yourself?
Do you prepare yourself, or do you JUST DO IT?
I found it got a LITTLE easier with each practice (like the pancakes, for example) so I am absolutely going to remember that as I attempt more difficult obstacles.
Have a terrific Tuesday!!