“Try Something new Tuesday,” is also therapy day.
My weekly appointments fall on the second day of the work week, directly after school and typically I dread them.
I am always exhausted, don’t have anything in particular to discuss and I really just don’t feel like re-living the turmoil that goes on within my head 24 hours a day.
(Just on a side note, Ryan tells me that’s why I am always tired…it is definitely draining to be at war mentally, emotionally and physically, with your own self, 99% of the day. Dr. John agrees so I am hoping the whole fatigue thing ends as nutrition improves.)
Anyway, this week my significant other came along and all three of us kind of just sat there staring at one another in the first few moments because I, like I said, was pretty miserable for having to be there, and I suppose the two men sitting next to me thought I would take the lead?
So Ryan then interjected that I told him therapy was currently pointless because I first needed to work on myself, before I could dig into the “real stuff.”
I had just told him that on the ride over when I was justifying what a waste of energy this hour was going to be…
“I have nothing to tell him that he has not already heard…I know what I need to change, but it is ME who needs to actually MAKE the alterations…all I can say right now is what I am trying to change…”
Perhaps that is a horrible explanation, and I promise I put it more eloquently than that when I was speaking with both my husband and my doctor, but I am sure you get the drift.
I am not new at this.
I know what needs to be done.
And just like in the nutrition world, I have read every single textbook I could get my hands on concerning CBT, ACT, Body Acceptance, etc.
Not to mention I have spent lots and lots of time in offices working through many of the issues that contribute to my symptom use, but none of that information has been applied fully which is why I am still kind of going in circles.
Dr. John combated my reasoning using an Olympic analogy to explain his role in my recovery.
(He loves analogies so you can expect at least one in every hour…)
“CJ, we often see the e amazing Olympic athletes on TV consult with their coaches….Just because these athletes are gold medalists, or experts in their sport doesn’t mean they don’t need guidance and help…They are always looking to improve.”
He has a point and I have always admired the strength (both inner and outer) of those elite competitors…
“Just like getting into shape and training for something, recovery is not supposed to be easy. If these athletes thought they could just relax as soon as they broke a sweat, they wouldn’t be the best in the world, or get better at their crafts…”
I saw where he was going with this.
If I become complacent now, because I believe I have “personal work” to do that Dr. J cannot assist me with, I am being naive.
Of course I have to continue pushing myself when I am not on the couch in his office, but I also need accountability and a person to help me discover things I may not be able to see through my own eyes.
I have always been skeptical of therapy, but coaches I grew
I guess I can reframe my weekly dread into a positive by saying I am going to practice.
Practice sounds way better than a psychiatric appointment, anyway. don’t you think?!
Happy Thursday everyone 🙂