The City Of Love

I think I might be going through withdrawal.

I didn’t realize how much I used my computer until it was gone! Not just for blog purposes, obviously, but e-mails, work catch-up for school, finding information, etc. I really miss the normal size screen of my laptop compared to the tininess of the i-phone.

I mean, thank gosh I am not completely out of touch due to my handy-dandy mobile device but my eyesight absolutely cannot wait to have the good old Dell back.

I have also really missed reading about the lives of others, and writing about my own.

Sounds weird, but I find this community very therapeutic and as I have said before, I appreciate the support and inclusion of this wonderful group.

Fortunately my momma is home for a few days and she was gracious enough to let me use her computer to get my journaling “fix,” as well as sneak a peak at some of my regular sites. It appears like everyone had some pretty fabulous weekends!

And actually, aside from having a sinus infection and sleeping a large majority of the day Saturday, I was blessed with a spectacular few days too.

I had Thursday and Friday off due to some personal matters I needed to take care of on the medical front; nothing you probably wouldn’t expect considering my “pre-existing condition” but they required attention nonetheless, and that actually took my husband and I on a little trip to Philadelphia.

Not such a bad place to be considering we had all of Thursday night free and could take advantage of two amazing deals Living Social was offering; a discounted night including parking or breakfast at our very favorite spot, The Radisson Warwick, and half price admission to the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit at The Franklin Institute.

This particular city is very special to me, and hopefully my husband, because it is there where we first told one another our feelings and spent a tremendous weekend with my family exploring the King Tut expose at the very same museum we visited Thursday afternoon.

We had an interesting early start to our relationship because Ryan wasn’t at all looking for a girlfriend, and to be honest, I wasn’t ready for a relationship myself.

We had been friends for a long time and nothing ever emerged before, so why all of a sudden the stars a0ligned I am not really sure, but one weekend my Mom had planned for my immediate and some extended family to visit Philly, have a mini-getaway and expand our knowledge base on Egyptian history, and something compelled me to invite him along.

Everything was pretty much perfect.

He fit in super well with my relatives, survived the jokes of my sinister Uncle, and he and I connected on so many levels I knew I wanted in the person I would spend the rest of my life with.

H e loved education, valued quality time with family, and we laughed like I never had before.

Plus, he could dance. Dancing is a major part of my life and my favorite social activity so he scored MAJOR bonus points for this!

We have visited Philadelphia a few times throughout our marriage, and always had a good time, but ED was often lurking in the corner ruining the fun.

(Doesn’t he always?)

As much as I was excited for a few days alone with Ry, I have to admit I am always nervous how things will pan out because I am still not where he wants me to be and sometimes my malnourished brain will completely impact my ability to be rational.

We wrapped up our night Thursday with a few hours of dancing at a club neither one of us had ever been, and even though 0 I loved every second of the day earlier, the absolute BEST BEST BEST moment of those 48 hours came as we were hailing a cab back to our hotel…

“This reminded me of our first time here together. It was just like the old us.”

My heart melted when those words left his lips, and any part of ED that may have been around, walked away head hanging low because there was no way I was letting that jerk infiltrate our time.

I knew I was a blessed but if that was an indication of our lives to come, the difficulties of recovery are worth all the struggle.


6 thoughts on “The City Of Love

  1. oh gosh my heart melted when I read that he said that. so sweet. I am glad you were able to have those few days with him. I think those moments are really what can pull you through the tough times, remember that.

  2. I find this community really therapeutic as well! Its nice to have a community so supportive of everything you are going through.
    Oh my goodness, those words must have made you so happy to hear, yet a little sad at the same time because of how much ED has gotten in the way. Don’t ever worry about that, because he is still here for you throughout everything. And you will get back to those great experiences you had together through the beginning of your relationship. Because you will recover from this CJ! I believe you have the strength to overcome this disease! You have the power to make it happen, but also not happen so just remember to choose your healthy life and not what the eating disorder leaves you comfort with!
    I hope everything went well with the medical front!! I’m always thinking positive thoughts for you!:)

    • Thanks Lisa! We can BOTH recover from this because we both are strong, intelligent women who KNOW exactly what we need to be healthy individuals.

      Keep fighting girl, and thanks for always being so encouraging!

  3. I feel the same way you do about the blogging community, it is just such a wonderful place and helpful too! Although there are certain blogs… that well I simply need to stay away from because they are actually more triggering for me than anything. Sooo parts of the blog world are good, others not so much! It’s just something I have been thinking about lately, as I feel like I am avoiding certain areas of the “Healthy” blog world more than ever! Sorry, end rant! P.s., your blog is NOT among those CJ, just wanted to make sure you knew that!
    This was such a lovely thing to read as well! This was just one among many moments you are going to get back. I believe that when you have these sort of moments again and realize they are possible, it gives you more motivation to continue getting better…fighting back against what you are “never supposed” to fight back against. I know I say this all.of.the.time but you truly DESERVE to have memories with your husband that are uncorrupted and it is possible! Sooo so hard to get to that point, but possible!

    • I completely elimated some of the blogs I used to read from my daily routine. It took me a while to admit they were just feeding into my eating disorder but I would see the measily portions and obsessive exercise and use it to justify my behaviors. I am glad you are able to do the same thing because like you said, we absolutely deserve a life better than this and I see you progressing toward that every day!!!!

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