As I told you Thursday, we had some pretty awesome plans for the night and they went even better than I expected.
The night was filled with good friends, fabulous music (Mark Knight you are AMAZING) and was just an overall blast.
When I checked Facebook Saturday I was pretty excited to see some pictures of our group the club promoters took, actually made it to the the organization who sponsored the events page.
Excited until I actually looked through the photos…
I was embarrassed for myself.
Seriously, what happened to me?
I am by no means my lowest weight according to the scale (at least from the last time I checked since the scale miraculously disappeared over a month ago), but my body is not pretty.
Now, I have never been an extremely confident woman when it came to my physical appearance.
Truth be told I have always felt like the ugly duckling within my group of friends because they were all so beautiful, with boys flocking around them, while I was typically just considered the one you went to for female advice, BUT in high school and college I was somewhat comfortable with how I looked and who I was as a person.
Saturday when I glanced through the snap shots I could barely stand to keep my eyes open.
No wonder people look at me so awkwardly.
Where is the muscle I used to have?
Why don’t my clothes fit anything like they feel against my skin?
My hair is brittle and gross, and my skin does not glow no matter how much time I spend in the sun or at the salon.
I am kind of repulsed by myself actually, and although I don’t always see through “accurate” eyes, if this is what others have to view 24/7 then I want no part of it.
Here is the caveat…
I am scared to death of the time in between redistribution and now, because as many of you who have experienced recovery, or seen someone in the process, your body looks kind of weird for a while; Buddha belly and ponch that is my worst nightmare, and that always seems to halt any productivity I do make.
But I also hate what I and others are witnessing now…a pretty weak looking girl.
I do know one’s body is not the most important thing in the world.
I also KNOW how terrible it feels to look at yourself and see UGLY.
And that is how I feel…phyiscally and internally ugly.
Sounds like I need an extreme make-over.
Fortunately I don’t need ABC to do so…
Just strength, courage and persistence.