I got to spend a good bit of time on the golf course this weekend, watching my husband compete in the first two rounds of the men’s club championship.
I have always loved watching him play sports, whether it be soccer, running races or one of the other numerous athletics he likes, but golf is such a big part of who we are as a couple, it is easily my favorite to spectate.
That wasn’t always the case, however, because there were times in college where he would have a bad hole, let it effect the rest of his game, and the mood following the round made it extremely uncomfortable to want to be around him.
I dont mean to make him sound like he was mean, because that is not the case at all. He would just get SO dissapointed in himself if he made a mistake, there would be absolutely no way of talking any reason to the man…not to mention his success rate was lower.
Now, he is MUCH better with mental control and Saturday night I couldn’t help but comment on how proud I was of his positive temperment.
If he had a poor swing, or made a score that would at one time really piss him off, he just kind of brushed it off and moved onto his next shot with a great attitude, and I think that really helped transform his overall game.
For getting less than an hour of sleep Saturday night he played amazingly Sunday morning and I saw him score from places I was SHOCKED he was able to escape with a par.
For those of you who don’t really like golf, or don’t understand the “lingo,” I will try to get to the point..
I was watching him in his second round, noticing how even when his form looked a bit off, or his scorecard wasn’t perfect, he took his mistakes in stride and ultimately met his goals of finishing strong.
He ended his match proud that even though there were a few things he might have regretted; innacurate club selection, rushing when he could have taken his time, etc. he was able to get back on the horse and produce a result he and I were happy with.
Hmm…I got to thinking; lately I have felt pretty good about the progress in my recovery. I am improving immensely on communicating my needs without using destructive behaviors, am letting out emotions that I once was so ashamed to display, am challenging myself in both the realm of my meal plan and personal relationships; I am making overall better choices when it comes to listening to CJ over ED.
BUT, there are also times throughout the day where I struggle, face decisions that sometimes lead me toward old habits, and have set-backs that I could really let de-rail all the accomplishments I am proud of.
And if I gave into that negative voice, allowing a few blips in my path to completely turn me in the wrong direction, re-gaining health would never be a possibility for me.
I then thought of Tim Tebow (sorry for all the sports analogies today, but sometimes they do a great job at providing an illustration) who Ryan and I always joke has this ridiculous ability at winning in the most ugly of ways.
He pulls out these miraculous victories even when it seems like all hope is lost, and honestly, who cares because when historians look back, they dont always examine the play by play of the competition, but instead focus on the number of “W’s” in the overall season.
So although I think it is important for me to learn from my slip-ups, I don’t think it is constructive to dwell on them any longer.
Yes, I have had a difficult time putting on weight and that needs to change.
Yes, my fridge may still have sugar free jam and a carton of egg whites.
But that doesnt mean I can’t achieve the ultimate prize.
What really counts is that I don’t let those minor things prevent me from becoming whole once again.
My journey has been messy, long and sometimes very cyclical, but it is certainly not over.
As long as I keep getting back on the horse and trying again, there will always be hope.
Every day I am breathing is another opportunity to change my course and become to girl I want to be, so no more beating myself up for the past. Today is a new day and a chance to improve and I don’t plan on wasting it by being so negative.