Have you ever seen Extreme Home Makeover Weight Loss Edition?
I love it.
And before you judge, because I know what you are thinking; “why is this girl watching a show that could potentially trigger her or give her more tips on insane diets and workouts?!?!” I think you should really have a look.
Because I want Chris Powell to be my life coach.
First of all, I truly believe eating disorders on opposite ends of the spectrum; compulsive eating/obesity, and anorexia/anorexia athletica, are pretty much the same, just physically manifest in different ways.
This was proven to me as I watched episode 1, featuring Jacki, who described exactly what goes on in my mind more articulately than I could ever explain, when she was explaining her situation.
Food was her coping mechanism and a mask to cover up her feelings of inadequacy and fears of failure.
She could ignore her obvious problem because she never chose to look. Secretly knowing what was there she avoided mirrors, didn’t put herself out there, or go many public places because then she would have to acknowledge the feelings that were behind the abuse that lead to physical destruction.
And then I saw her poor husband interviewed, talking about his profession as a firefighter and parademic who sees people die every single day, which breaks his heart because he worries that too could be his wife in an instant.
Oh my goodness I cried like a baby.
That is Ryan!
THAT IS RYAN, THAT IS RYAN, THAT IS RYAN!!!
And I cannot hear him say those words because I am so damn stubborn, even though they have left his lips so many times.
So Jacki returns and says there are times where she has thought of divorce, not because she doesn’t love him but because she thinks he is the greatest in the world and she feels like she is a huge hindrance on his life.
…I am ashamed to admit this but I have often asked Ryan if he wanted a divorce for Jacki’s very same reason.
She wrote to Chris Powell, knowing the fight to gain her health back would be incredible, and he came into her life with a plan that would intimidate the hell out of anyone in their right mind.
BUT she achieved the immense goal they both agreed upon, and not only did she look fantastic at the end, but she had a glow/attitude that I so desperately want.
She closed the show saying how it really didn’t matter how much weight she lost, because if she didn’t make a transformation inside, she would still be an empty shell lacking empowerment and self-love.
This is so so so true.
Not only do I need to change my exterior; I need to completely reconstruct my interior.
Chris did a fabulous job helping her with that monumental task because this man did not just take her to a gym and say “ok, we need to work out for 834583 hours and burn X amount of calories.”
He challenged her with things that would alter her perception of what she could do, achieve, and obtain.
He wanted her to face her fears and become a WHOLE person again.
Chris, can you please come help me? Because it’s not fair that I ask Ryan to be my husband, nurse, friend, therapist, nutritionist, motivational speaker, etc.
Maybe this is me admitting I can’t successfully complete my journey alone; I don’t really know, but it was interesting to see my feelings, and thoughts being so openly expressed on national TV; maybe even a bit eye-opening.