Healthy Living Summit was awesome last year for so many reasons but mostly because I met some of the most wonderful women in the world.
One of those fabulous females actually lives less than an hour from me and we try to get together as often as we can….even though it not nearly as much as I would like, but this past Tuesday Lauren and I had a date for a casual dinner at Wegmans, a little catch-up session and fro-yo from one of my favorite places in the world, Sweet Frog.
As excited as I was for my beloved fro-yo, I was so thankful to finally get to see my friend.
This might sound weird but the second I met her last year I felt an instant connection, and honestly every time we get together it doesn’t feel like much time has passed since our previous encounter. Those are the signs of a true friendship and I am really grateful to have her in my life.
Anyway, from reading my posts, and because I think she knows me pretty well, she picked up on the fact that I am struggling right now.
Granted I have been doing significantly better the past week or so at keeping up with my exchanges and listening to my body when it screams, “TAKE A NAP,” there is still a tremendous amount of mental turmoil that comes with doing the “right” thing and feeling like my body is expanding at an exponential rate.
So as we started talking and I tried to pretend everything was fine, I finally just thought, who am I kidding?
What do I have to hide right now?! I am a visible disaster.
I feel horrible because I probably monopolized the whole entire evening asking her advice, giving her my sob story, etc. but she made me feel so much better.
“You only have this one life….”
As she said those words and told me of all the things she was currently doing I couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous; not in a bad way, but in a form of motivation because everything she is doing I could only ever dream of if I was healthy.
Unfortunately the reality of staying sick means I will also be stuck.
I will be trapped forever in a place of loneliness, depression, anxiety, fear and essentially adolescence.
As much as I like to believe I can take care of myself, I have proved that that is certainly not the case.
I owe Ryan the world because without him these past three years, I could easily be dead.
That is a sad truth to face, but if we are being honest, an eating disorder is no joke and is extremely life threatening.
I didn’t sit across the table from Lauren worried about the box of food I was eating, or the amount of toppings I selected for my dessert.
I sat across from her thinking, “omg she is right, and time is too precious to waste.”
I am 25 now and I swear the years go faster the older I get.
I would prefer the second half of my twenties to be better than the first; for me and my loved ones, and how that can happen starts with a bite.
Sounds weird, right?
Something as simple and as necessary as food is the initial step into regaining ME, but that is where I have to start.
And I will do it one Clif Mojo at a time, because I only have one life.
Since it is Friday, please tell me what you are doing to celebrate your LIFE today, this weekend, daily?!
We all deserve to be fulfilled, and I am worth every calorie. (Yes, I need to repeat that to myself multiple times to get through the day, but at least for now its working 🙂 )