I am just popping in quickly to say hello, since things have been rather busy in my world Monday and early Tuesday, probably due to my lack of productivity over the weekend.
Oops. Sometimes a nap just seems more important than laundry or cleaning the kitchen. Life will go on. BUT, there were two things that really hit home with me and I needed to vent/reflect on them for my own sake, probably more so than yours, but writing tends to be helpful for this purpose.
When I was catching up on a favorite blog of mine (http://caitsplate.me/); one which I believe provides an excellent demonstration of balance, I was elated to see her post about a magazine she picked up at the airport for her holiday flight.
Granted, I am totally guilty of reading this magazine and sometimes do truly enjoy the articles, but when she stated how it did not really offer good advice for leading a moderate lifestyle, I couldn’t have agreed more.
I know I talked about this a lot in relation to the blog world last Friday but I constantly need to remind myself that there is not one universal definition of wellness. And certainly, just because something says it is healthy, does not mean it is.
It kind of reminds me of a few years back when the whole organic craze kicked off and all those nutritionists came out saying “Just because it says organic on the package doesn’t mean it is organic or better for you…” Remember organic chips? I can buy into purchasing organic apples because of pesticides on the skin, but chips?! Come on!
I think the same thing applies for certain forms and brands of media. Just because a magazine tells you to cut your diet in half and exercise for two hours in the morning, does not mean you should, or that your body will benefit from it. We are all looking for the miracle cures to make our lives better, helps us feel more confident with ourselves, but that can only come from a lifestyle change, not three weeks on a juice fast.
*CJ, are you listening? DON’T THINK ALL THOSE CRAZY FADS OR EXTREMES ARE RELEVANT AND APPLICABLE FOR YOU.
Listening to your body, or following a more personalized plan specified just for YOU, is definitely a better way to go than abiding by the rules of whatever medium is on the shelves or a screen.
Easier advice to write than to follow, but maybe if I keep repeating it to myself, it will finally sink in.
I was then browsing through some older posts of another author I enjoy when I came across an entry that also needs to be mentally reiterated an infinite amount of times for me throughout the day; changing your actions, will help change your way of thinking.
Was Nike onto something when they said JUST DO IT? Because according to Carrie,
“What I learned the hard way was that the only way to change my thinking was to change my behaviors and NOT the other way around. That I didn’t have to like recovery behaviors, I didn’t have to want to use them, I could scream, howl, protest, and whine, I could be required to do them, but what really mattered was that I did them. The more I acted like a person in recovery, the more I thought like a person in recovery.”
When someone asked me the other day why recovery is so hard; why is it so hard to just increase the amount of calories in my diet, I responded that old habits are incredibly difficult to break.
When I go to the grocery store it is instinctive for me to pick up sugar-free this, low-carb that and it takes a serious effort for me to look at the bagels that sound and smell so good, and purchase them because I have so many fears surrounding the absolutely normal bread product.
If the rational part of me does break through and leave the store with something that my body needs, and wants but ED does not, the work starts again at home. And topping it off with the immense guilt that almost always follows, just typically leads me to say “f*ck it, this is just too much for me to handle.”
But thinking back, I completely agree with EDBites because I can remember the first day of inpatient hospitalization as always being the worst since some part of my brain still thought I was in control; that the decisions were mine and that I would be internally reprimanded in the most brutal way if I ever followed the program.
When I realized I didn’t have much of a choice, surrendered and just did what I was told, the cookie that I initially wanted to throw across the room because of the horrific feelings it invoked, actually became quite delicious.
Looking a little more closely, I can sort of resonate with this at home, as well, considering some foods I used to be so scared of are now getting a bit easier with every time they are consumed; the treadmill has less power over my day and I can be assertive with my loved ones.
Nut butter, I don’t know how I lived before you came back into my life.
Maybe if I follow the wise words of good old Nike and JUST DO IT, eventually it will get easier; one day sans calorie counting could lead to two, three, maybe even become my NEW habit. Let’s hope.
Over thinking and trying to figure out why I engage in behaviors, or sort out my feelings before I make decisions, has obviously not worked for me before, so I think it is time for a change.
*P.S. I apologize that my link-ups aren’t working properly but I wanted to give you the URL’s of these ladies in case you needed some inspiration too 🙂