Over the past few days I have slowly been catching up on reading all my favorite blogs, and as usual one of Tessa’s (www.amazingasset.com —Sorry my stupid linking button isn’t working!!) posts really struck a cord with me.
In last week’s WIAW she discussed her habit of snacking rather than sitting down for legitimate meals, and although I always make time to prepare, sit and try to enjoy my food as best as I can, I have found that constructing menus at home is very difficult for me.
I have been really struggling with this since we got back from our cruise because onboard everything was neatly provided in a relatively balanced fashion, and I didn’t have the overabundance of munchies I do in my own kitchen.
I have no problem making a dish with all the essential food groups but what I notice is I tend to make my actual meals maybe smaller than they should be because I am always scared I will want something else; like I have so many cravings that cannot be satisfied by say, a chicken, vegetable and baked potato.
I debated whether or not to disclose this because I was so embarrassed about it I nearly cried, and poor Ryan had to listen to it for several hours, as my warped brain just could not get over the shame it felt after this happened, but here goes….
Wednesday I woke up starving at 4 am.
My alarm was going to go off in a few minutes anyway so I got out of bed, went downstairs, had a glass of water and a Vita Top (I always have a pre-treadmill snack since I usually rise with a grumbly tummy).
One Vita Top just wasn’t enough! I then proceeded to eat another, this time on my way up the stairs to my workout room because I wanted to ensure, regardless of my hunger/fullness, that I was no where near the kitchen that allowed me access to food.
After a few minutes into my walk I felt pretty good; satisfied but annoyed with myself for having double what my “normal” pre-breakfast, breakfast is.
Once I was finished I showered and got ready for work, made myself coffee and had a packet of oats, and all of a sudden a salt/crunch craving emerged.
Ok, I will pack them for morning snack. Not necessarily the most nutritious thing in the world, but they are pretty freakin’ delicious and I wanted them.
So I portioned out a serving and put them in a Tupperware thinking how good they would taste in a few hours.
But a few hours just wasn’t going to cut it. I got out a serving to consume with my oats and fruit, and bypassed the nut butter I planned to have with my oats.
Apparently the 21 Popchips I counted and put in a bowl wasn’t satisfactory either because I ate more…
Between breakfast and the a.m. snack, ¾ of the gosh darn bag was empty.
I felt horrible because although Popchips aren’t the worst food in the world, they didn’t provide the essential fats I needed, nor are they the whole foods I am striving eat more of.
I felt so gluttonous and out of control between the multiple Vitas and chips, that although I did ok the rest of the day, I don’t honestly believe I met my entire meal plan because I let those two non-conventional treats terrorize my mind.
Calorically, it wasn’t really THAT different than any other day; maybe about 100 more, which in the grand scheme of things isn’t all that significant, but I was seriously angry with my choices and the fact that I had no self-restraint.
You see, I felt awesome on our trip. I ate balanced meals, my edema was held to a minimum, I loved every bite, and I didn’t have the immense cravings I seem to be plagued with now. I might have eaten more calories at the end of the day (I don’t really know because I was trying my best not to count, and there wasn’t a label on anything) but I felt good about what I was putting into my body.
I just want to feel the same way now, and it is completely unrealistic for me to wish life like a cruise ship, but there are people who create good, fulfilling, appropriate meals everyday. I just seem too scared to give my body a sandwich rather than one deconstructed on a bed of lettuce…
FYI, although I do love salads, sometimes they just aren’t as good as tasty Panini.
But on the bright side, there is always another meal and the opportunity to get back on track.
Wish me luck and have a super awesome weekend!!