Your comments and e-mails yesterday reminded me why I enjoy blogging; because of the community. The support and camaraderie that comes with social media is often a wonderful wonderful resource when it comes to building relationships and getting help.
For the most part I have had a tremendous experience in the virtual world, but I was reminded recently of why blogging can sometimes be tricky.
As most of you know Healthy Living Summit is just around the corner.
I went last year and enjoyed my time so much I was absolutely positive I wanted to return, and I still do, but Ryan is extremely hesitant about me obtaining another ticket and booking a room.
It is not that he is trying to prevent me from having fun and seeing the amazing friends I met because of my attendance, but he is worried about what I represent at this current time.
As I have mentioned before, the feedback I received after posting about my trip last August proved that I was not the physical epitome of health.
My body was relatively frail, my hair and skin were extremely dry and brittle and I looked kind of old and hagred rather than a vibrant woman in her early-twenties.
Similar to my current situation, I felt completely fine and like I was doing extremely well with recovery; enjoying fro-yo and the provided meals at the conference without much difficulty, but I was also not eating near enough to repair the damage I had done to my body and my exercise was a bit excessive compared to what my team was recommending.
All I wanted to do was fit in with all the amazing women that I admired so much from reading their stories on-line, that I failed to realize my individual needs may have been a little different; i.e. you cannot run 6-7 miles a day when you are trying to gain back your health, post-anorexia.
Long story short, I feel very torn at what to do as far as trying to go to HLS.
I learned so much, met fantastic people, made fabulous memories and truly LOVED every single second, but at the same time I feel like I am being a total hypocrite showing up when health doesn’t really describe me at all, mentally or physically.
But maybe I could use it as motivation?
There are still several weeks until Boston and it could provide inspiration to stay on track.
But then that pesky and negative voice enters my mind and says, “You know getting healthy means gaining weight and all the “friends” you think you made are going to judge you for being a lazy, fat, slob.”
Oh how I love the meanness of ED.
Yay for tomorrow being Friday. I am hoping to get some pictures downloaded and a few trip posts together in the next few days. Thank you all for asking about our vacation and the encouragement after yesterday’s post.
Have a great rest of the day!!