Finding Inspiration In Unexpected Places

I love Twitter.

I wish I could tweet and connect more often but sometimes work gets in the way of my fascination with the social networking sites I enjoy browsing.

Anyway, part of why I like Twitter so much is because I find some of my favorite articles and useful information from the various tweeps I follow, and if I am ever in need of some support, I send a quick SOS and people are almost always instantaneous with responses.

Despite what I yell at my computer when it decides to crash at school, technology can be pretty awesome; especially when it comes to recovery.

It is no secret that my ED battle continues to rage at full force. I tell you pretty much every day about the mental hell that repeats in my mind, how I struggle accepting a weight gain meal plan, and the guilt I feel from the relentless hunger I am experiencing even without intense activity, so when I sat down to breakfast yesterday, ED yelling I didn’t really need all that yogurt, I was thrilled to read this:

Want To Be A Better Runner? Learn To Be a Better Quitter First (from the RUNiverse.com)

Before you judge because, what the hell am I doing getting all exciting about an article written about the exercise I am NOT supposed to be doing, the suggestions the author makes are absolutely applicable to life, and definitely to the journey toward health.

If you don’t feel like going to the website, here are the tips, Chris, the contributor, provides:

  1. Quit negative self talk: we all get those thoughts in our head. “Just slow down.” “Take a break.” Ignore and remove those thoughts.
  2. Quit making excuses: there are a million reasons not to get out and run. Remember your goal and stop making excuses.
  3. Quit limiting yourself: yes, you can take that step to a half-marathon, marathon, or whatever it is you’ve wanted to do but have been scared to step up and out.
  4. Quit comparing yourself to others: someone is faster than you. Someone is slower. That’s a fact that will never change.
  5. Quit waiting for someday: seize the day! Stopping putting it off.

I know I have mentioned all these things at some point or another in my blogging career, but sometimes I feel God (or anything you might believe in) provides us tools we need at the perfect moments to get through a struggle; I guess you could call it a sign.

And after reading this, I started thinking about my therapy session the night before when Dr. J and I had a very similar to conversation to my aforementioned thought.

I explained to him how other’s opinions and comments deter me from making a ton of physical progress.

Since I personally am very critical of who I am as a person, and how my adult life has turned out (totally not how I planned), being smaller helped me feel more invisible, which in a sense seemed to ease my anxiety because if no one really took notice to me then they couldn’t bash my lack of accomplishments.

As soon as my body starts to change, and puts on the pounds, it is as if I am a magnet for remarks.

“CJ you look sooooo healthy,” is just one example of a statement that makes me want to crawl under my desk and hide.

You can’t acknowledge me any other time, but when it comes to picking out one of my biggest insecurities, sure I am all ears?!

So out of this conversation came the determination that it is probably not my physical appearance that is my biggest self-doubt, or the only thing important to me, but rather that I am incredibly fearful of being judged for my imperfections, in general.

Nothing that I didn’t already know, but I am working on coming to terms with the fact that I will never be able to please everyone, so my recovery can and will only happen if I start to love myself, regardless of my outward attributes.

Ok that is all fabulous but what does this have to do with the article at the beginning from RUNiverse?

Well it comes back to God (or whatever you believe in) trying to provide me with inspiration at my current crossroads.

I was watching a program on the Golf Channel about a veteran who lost his legs during his tour of duty.

He felt like his whole life was over because he couldn’t really be a serviceman, a lot of his hobbies were no longer feasible, and he just felt overall depressed with the situation.

His mood was understandable because I honestly couldn’t tell you what I would do if I lost the use of my legs, but his story got better, and provided hope beyond belief.

He started seeing a therapist to work on his PTSD and the doctor suggested he take up golf.

At first he wasn’t really open to the idea but then he thought he didn’t really didn’t have anything more to lose, so what was one attempt going to hurt.

He instantly fell in love with the game and is now completing the pro-golf management program, won the National Amputee tournament with three rounds of 70, 65,75, and is married to a woman he only reconnected with because he came home from scheduled tour early.

He kept re-iterating that none of these fabulous things would have happened for him if he had not been in an accident.

So even though the poor man went through a horrific ordeal, he turned it around to SERIOUSLY look at the bright side.

Now, in all honesty, I felt like kind of a schmuck after watching this wonderful documentary.

He was given a hand I don’t know if I could even deal with, and was smiling saying how blessed he felt, while I am whining to Ryan about the weight I have to put on so we can finally be released from ED hell.

I think I needed a new perspective and my higher power gave it to me on the Golf Channel.

Between the article linked earlier in this post, and the story of the veteran, I really need to tap into the arsenal of inspiration that is thrown my way on a daily basis.

I think I have ignored the signs for too long, and although it is ultimately up to me to make the decision and put my effort forth into getting healthy, I have certainly failed to use the resources provided for assistance.

Note taken, thank you, Lord.

PS. I have to include just ONE more outlet that provides me with motivation every, single day.

A few months ago I started reading the Healthy Diva (what the heck took me so long) and absolutely love all her posts, but she did an especially awesome thing this month by hosting Mantra May.

She is already one amazing woman, with a great story and such a positive outlook, but be sure to scroll through her posts and catch the weekly round-ups for Mantra May. They will not dissapoint!

Happy Thursday everyone!

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10 thoughts on “Finding Inspiration In Unexpected Places

  1. CJ,
    I just wanted to let you know that recovery is SO worth it. I upped my calories way past 3,000 and gained almost 20 pounds in about a month. The result: I LOVE it. I still fit in all my clothes, my body is proportional (i.e. no weird fat pockets) and best of all, I can do what I love. This past weekend I treked up the Rocky Mountains with my brother on a bum ankle. My scrawny little legs never could hae done that before.

    As for calories, you’ll never guess what I maintain on now. It’s just an estimate but when I do count its always around 3,000-4,000. Wouldn’t you just love to eat with abandon? Embrace recovery and extreme hunger and you will succeed. I just know it. 🙂

    • wow girl that is so awesome! thanks for sharing such an inspirational story!!! and you are right….ED has taken so many things from me and that is what I need to remember!

      • Maybe you should start listening to your Aunt instead of trying to do it your way – which clearly isn’t working. I’m not saying that meanly – I’m stating the truth.

        Eating disorders are selfish. You want it your way – but that’s not how life works.

        It will get worse – far worse – before it gets better.

        So accept that and deal with it and move on…

  2. What a beautiful post. Recovery sucks, I’m sorry but it does and unless you’ve been through it you can’t expect other people to understand.

    When I was going through recovery, my uncle was passing from cancer. The hardest thing for me to handle was that I was starving myself, I was making myself sicker while my uncle was dying a little more each day and I was too. Except the difference was he didn’t do it to himself and I was. The guilt I felt was unbearable and made recovery that much worse.

    But then I realized eating disorders are a disease. It’s not just dieting all the time, it’s a diagnosed disease that consumes your whole being. It’s really hard to come to terms with this kind of guilt but try not to feel bad for your ED. It’s a disease that you need to work through just like any other.

    Wishing you the best of luck with your recovery. It’s hard, but so worth it.

    • Oh Kelsey, I am so sorry about your Uncle. That had to have been so difficult. But I do appreciate you sharing your stregnth and inspiration. As much as I would nver ever want anyone to go through this, it does help to have support from others who understand.

      ❤ my dear

  3. I know you are praising social media here – and I do agree that it has it’s worthwhile qualities. But I think a big part of why you can’t find who YOU are is because you are so influenced by others. You said so yourself – you compare yourself to everyone. Reading quotes and others’ posts are great…but it’s not YOU. It’s not your words. You can’t find out who you are until you tune all that out. I’m being serious here – you don’t realize any of this because you are in the throes of your sickness. You have no idea what it’s really like to think clearly – you think you do, but you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t be dealing with this disease.

    I encourage you to read: “Healing the Hungry Heart” by Joanna Poppink and “The Secret of Letting Go” by Guy Finley. Please get away from the internet and social media and take some time to read these, watch a funny TV show, take up a new hobby, spend time with friends. Find out who you are. And that person isn’t someone who spends all day obsessing over calories – over crying over them. That’s not you.

    Finally, I gained 20 lbs. in 2 months and steadily creeping on last year. It isn’t hard to gain weight. If you say it is, then you’re really not trying or afraid. Unfortunately, I’m battling binge-eating in a bad and extremely embarrassing way. I also cannot run anymore – I have stress fractures and they are prone to re-injury. I may never get to run again. Is it hard? Yep. Unlike the first poster above, I am much bigger and out of proportion – I am the average soft woman versus a lean, athletic woman. But I’m not going to obsess or try to starve myself down to a size I’m not meant to be. I’m not playing that game anymore. That was never me to begin with. And if you only identify yourself with your body, then it’s time you re-evaluate what’s really important in life. When you have the ability to exercise taken away from you…it can be one of the hardest things to deal with. So bless life.

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