This weekend, which was insanely busy, was just a preview to the upcoming days leading to our vacation.
Between graduation, my sister’s birthday, working more hours, and pre-trip preparations, my mind is in one thousand different directions and although I enjoy the activity, it serves as a distraction from my own personal recovery.
This can be a good thing because a condensed schedule means LESS time to meticulously plan my meals, draw them out, engage in rituals, agonize over calorie consumption, etc. but it can also be dangerous because if I use it as an excuse to “forget” my “get-healthy” plan, a relapse would be inevitable.
Fortunately, Saturday and Sunday went really well as far as trying to “normalize” my life.
I was up at 4 to prepare for my annual spring yard sale, tidy up the house, make a proper breakfast and take a walk, before the crazy weekend warriors (aka professional yard-salers) were knocking down the garage door.
Well by 10 am I was STARVING and the flow of traffic started to dwindle so I made brunch.
Normally I would have had a mini anxiety attack knowing dinner reservations were only at 7 and that meant I might be too hungry and overeat, but then the rational CJ entered and said, “hello, an afternoon snack would be totally appropriate in this situation!”
So I happily ate my “lunch calories” a few hours early, continued to sell my unwanted junk and when all was cleaned up and put away, ran the errands I typically do in the morning.
Around 2 I was again pretty ravenous but was still out getting groceries.
Doesn’t that sound like the perfect scenario to be in when your tummy starts to growl?!
I NEVER go food shopping hungry…never ever. Every article in the world advises against it because you could potentially buy the entire store due to hunger and impulse. And those articles also say it is FORBIDDEN to eat out of a box, since you will DEFINITELY consume more than a serving.
I have pretty terrible black and white thinking, but the aforementioned articles sound a bit extreme, even for me.
I “rebelled” against my inner ED, opened the package of Back to Nature’s Cinnamon Sweet-Potato Crackers, and ate not ONE but TWO servings of crunchy goodness.
I am embarrassed to admit that, and seriously contemplated divulging my “shameful secret,” but I think it is pretty “normal” to sometimes not have enough earlier in the day and then require extra fuel.
I didn’t stuff myself silly. I wasn’t bursting at the seams, nor did my thighs expand as I chewed. I loved every salty-sweet bite and I sat through the Avengers pre-dinner not thinking about the gnawing in my stomach, but more about the amazingness of the movie and how much I was enjoying date night with my husband.
I didn’t restrict at our meal out…eating exactly what I told Ryan I was craving a few days before.
I had my normal night snack, and I woke up Sunday ready for breakfast no physically different from the day before.
Mentally however, I would like to think I am making progress.
Of course I have difficult moments; for example I struggled NOT using the treadmill and had a ton of negative self-talk, when I opted to savor the warm weather and pavement rather than an indoor walking machine.
It took nearly every muscle I had NOT to go upstairs at about 7:30 PM and perform my daily routine, but the progress was signified by chosing to distract the urges by blog-reading and the Next Foodnetwork Star.
Progress is also demonstrated by adding chocolate to my once very plain and boring smoothies…
Progress is shown by committing to my sister for a birthday-date at Red Robin when I never would have step foot in there three months ago, regardless of how important the occasion (I was a terrible excuse maker-upper or probably would have convinced her to go to the Panera across the street.)
Progress is accepting that although I really don’t like the fate of gaining weight and having my stomach continue to grow a few weeks before I have to be in a bathing suit, my husband and I will have a MUCH MUCH MUCH better time if I am better-nourished, thinking more clearly, and worried about having fun rather than calories and avoiding meals.
Progress is admitting what a shitty place I was in, how terribly wrong my mind-set was, and that although set-backs may occur, life on the other side can and WILL happen if I stop making excuses and just do what has to be done.
Easier said than done, of course, but progress is also baby-steps.
Sometimes we need to give ourselves a pat on the back for the small things, in order to accomplish the ultimate goal.
There is no room for complacency, but there is nothing wrong with a little boost of confidence.
And there is no better way to start a week than with a little pride, so what are you complimenting yourself for today?
Obviously I am saying hooray for progress 🙂