I never thought I would say this, but I think eating outside my own kitchen might just be easier than having to prepare and plan all my meals.
Since being home, I feel like a scatter-brained disaster when it comes to making food selections.
I have been meeting my needs, and following my meal plan, but having so many options has been driving me insane.
I have been thinking about this subject for a while, but didn’t really know how to put it in the right context, until I considered it might be an interesting spin on “What I Ate Wednesday.”
So today, my friends, I bring you “WIAW: Food Hoarding and Indecision.”
As always, thank you Jenn, for coming up with this fabulous community-unification project! But back to a topic that I am kind of embarrassed to discuss, but I feel it might be necessary to share in order to relinquish the shame and maybe inspire me to make some changes.
You see, I am OBSESSED with grocery shopping.
I love everything about it. I love the planning and list making. I love the challenge of finding the best deals. I love seeing new products on the shelves even if it means I have to shift around our weekly budget. I LOVE it all!
It is a sick fascination that undoubtedly is enhanced due to my brain being starved, which was proven during the Key’s Study I find to be to be such a useful recovery resource.
A few weeks ago I discovered how annoying my grocery hobby is when I was trying to put something into the freezer and realized how ridiculously packed it was; overflowing with Arctic Zero, frozen vegetables, protein and numerous bread products I am too scared to keep all out in the open.
This prompted me to look at all our food storage spaces and they too are pretty darn full.
Then ensued an immense organization frenzy where I rearranged our entire pantry, ice box, drawers and refrigerator into categories in an effort to make things more accessible and show what was available for my weekly menu plan.
Operation Clean Out was going to be put into effect…
I felt so relieved!
…Until I realized I had 5 open jars of nut butter ,in addition to the plain old Jif my sister and Ryan like, 8 boxes of cereal for our family of three, and enough soup to last me a few weeks!
When did I buy all this?! And does a person really need sunflower seed butter, almond butter, peanut butter and two different flavors of PB&Co?
I like variety but this seems a bit much!
Rationally I KNOW how excessive my shelve are, but that didn’t stop me from oogling the PB Crave flavors for the millionth week because everyone’s breakfasts and snacks featuring the Cookie Nookie look so darn good!
AND THE WORST part of this is…this weekend, after just last week reprimanding myself to cool it when purchasing unnecessary/duplicate food items, I bought TWO new jars of nut butter!
They are quite possibly some of the best tasting nut butters I have ever had EVER. And I had never seen them in any of my local stores, but still! I am worse than those people on the TLC show Hoarders!
Ryan was very understanding as I explained to him my internal frustrations that I have no self-control when it comes to making frivolous buys in the nutrition world, but he said it was ok, probably pretty “normal” during this journey, and there were obviously bigger things we had to worry about.
He does have a point; we really don’t ever go over our weekly food allowance, and after sampling my two new finds, they were a pretty well-worth it expense, but I couldn’t help but question how much my purchases have to do with being malnourished.
Regardless of my personal annoyance, I do have to to go off on a little tangent here and promote the heck out of my new favorite healthy fats. If you love nut butters like me, you need get your hands on some Naturally Nutty White Chocolate Coconut and Wild Squirrel Honey Pretzel Peanut Butter.
Despite my guilt for now having 7 jars, these two flavors are INCREDIBLE!
The first is so unique, a bit thicker and perfect for globbing onto cereal and oatmeal, and the more salty variety has actual chunks of pretzel in the mix, and is so drippy it is absolutely the best for drizzling over, well, anything.
Like I said, after tasting, I am glad I have these kinds because I have never heard of them or seen them anywhere around, but it is the fact that I feel compelled to continue buying items I don’t really NEED, and that are actually quite scary so they only get consumed in the tiniest amounts (I have had one particular container of almond butter for over a year…seriously) that makes it seem a little odd, and a major symptom of my ED that I would like to diminish.
The other component to having WAY too much grocery stock in my home is decision-making for meals and snacks becomes incredibly difficult.
I stink at making up my mind normally, so add my relentless hunger, but fearful attitude toward food, and I am constantly in a tailspin about what to eat.
I want it all, but I am terrified to over indulge…especially since most of the items I “hoard” and am eyeing-up are highest on my list of fears.
This translates into the delicious C-Ville Crunch, and Bagel Lady Bagels, I also got this weekend, to be savored one slice at a time, while the rest is frozen in individual baggies; half chicken breasts on salads because I want chicken and hummus and of course a few side items to satisfy all my hundreds of cravings; and that my multiple boxes of cereal will be in our pantry forever because if I do have a bowl it is 1/8 cup of several different types because I am scared no one particular variety will do the trick.
That is why I said eating at restaurants or in our B&B was SO MUCH easier.
I may not have known the calorie count, but I had limited selection and typically something jumped out at me right away that made my tummy absolutely delighted.
I could replicate what I ordered at home, using my own ingredients, but my brain automatically reverts to; “but if you want more its there waiting for you! There isn’t a waitress to clear your plate, leftovers could be in the fridge and there are more than one of those fantastic Spinach and Garlic bagels calling your name if you are still hungry even though one is more than enough!…”
I believe these thoughts are pretty normal during recovery.
Basically everyone in this process I know or have talked to has similar beliefs, phobias and lack of trust for their bodies, but it really does present a challenge when trying to create a “normal” eating routine.
I guess this is the point where I insert, “practice makes perfect?”
Or at least that I have to wade through this seriously annoying aspect of getting healthy (what part of this isn’t annoying?!) to finally be relieved of the cravings for odd combinations, and that can only happen by continuing to listen to my body.
Ahh body, why are you so smart?
I know this was a relatively non-traditional WIAW, but I have been bothered by my addictive habits and recovery woes for some time, and of course I felt I HAD to share these products with you because they are truly some of the best things I bought in a while.
I hope you all have a fabulous day, and as always, happy eating!!!
*The opinions and reviews in this post are completely my own, but I did get to chit-chat with the ladies who started and operate the Bagel Ladies enterprise when I was shopping at C-Ville’s Saturday Market, so if you want to check out all their flavors (I got the Spinach and Garlic and Country Grain and Seed) they do have a website with an online store and ship them ready to bake in you OWN oven! To be honest, I tried them both raw and toasted, and either way they are fantastic! Especially the Seed smeared with some of my new nut butter 😉