I wanted to clarify a few things from yesterday’s post.
After receiving a few e-mails I realized perhaps I did not articulate myself very well in explaining my points.
We had a tremendous weekend and neither Ryan nor I were overly disappointed with any aspect of the trip at all. What I was trying to convey when discussing the travel challenges, was that a lot of planning and preparation has to go into time away with ED; meaning our version of vacation has changed pretty significantly since entering recovery, and sometimes we are not able to do things as we would have in the early stages of our relationship.
Maybe an example would be a better illustration, considering my husband and I actually chatted pretty specifically about this on Friday morning’s hike.
Our first major trip just the two of us was a long weekend at Mohonk Mountain House in New Paltz, New York.
I have written about this destination before because we returned many times and Ryan actually proposed in one of their lookout points my senior year of college, but our initial experience was beyond words incredible.
I took my finals early because I got a great mid-week all-inclusive deal on a room with a fireplace and a balcony overlooking the lake. We were both burned out from school/work so it was perfect to rejuvenate before the holiday madness began and we were looking forward to some relaxation and quiet in an old castle.
The night before we were to leave snow fell relentlessly, leaving inches on the roads and threatened to cancel our getaway.
Ryan wasn’t having that so we piled in the car and arrived in time for breakfast.
Well this changed our plans a bit because I had intended on taking some leisurely hikes through the woods, quality moments with Ry, and maybe a few rounds of Scrabble that was packed in my bag (there are only two TVs in the whole resort!!!) but as the snow continued to blanket the earth and the Mohonk distributed schedule included snowshoeing, ice skating and cross country ski sessions, we really couldn’t pass up the opportunity.
The equipment was factored into the price of our stay and we both absolutely love winter sports, so this was an awesome time to try something new.
After many falls and a bunch of laughs we became obsessed with skiing. We were outside all four days of our vacation, covering nearly 80 miles of terrain in all.
We were sore and HUNGRY, but enjoyed every bite of the specially prepared four course meals, and slept like rocks!
Neither one of us really thought twice about energy expenditure or did any sort of exchange planning…instead we ate intuitively by our internal cues and what sounded good on the menu (which, fyi, is EVERYTHING!)
We snacked when we needed to, we still went to the gym, and we overall just enjoyed using our muscles while seeing beautiful views along the Catskills.
Skiing wasn’t about the calories, it was about the memories, the fun, and the time together.
Ryan is much more hesitant about the activity we do on vacation now.
There are no more morning runs together, we haven’t been back to Mohonk in a few years because we know it wouldn’t be the same without participating in all the awesome sports they offer, and he almost always makes sure he has supplements ready if something unexpected comes up.
That is really no way to travel, or plan your life.
I want to just GO, and focus more on time with my husband rather meeting a meal plan.
I want food to be enjoyable rather than a chore, and people not to accuse me of being a complete recovery- phony because we did a longer than anticipated hike out of enjoyment and my husband’s excitement for going off the beaten path.
None of this comes without getting well, of course, but our lives as a couple consisted heavily of being outdoors, being active and playing sports before my unhealthy weight. It stinks that I have to rob Ryan of the aspects of our life together that he misses too, just because I have a few pounds to gain.
Over the weekend, Ryan professed his desire to return to Mohonk, he can’t wait to start running again and eventually crossing finish lines of races together, but because he is so wonderful he won’t do these things without me.
In Charlottesville we were just taking a step toward getting those things back.
So I am sorry if some of you felt I was breaking any sort of recovery structure, and I tried to admit in the ways that I felt I did (my solo morning walks) but I had the most ED-free experience I have had in a very long time and I think Ryan and I both enjoyed every single second.
Thursday I anticipate exploring a similar aspect of my recovery and few things that have been bothering me over the past few days, but I have way too many words for this very dreary tuesday.
Hope to see you all then 🙂