Today is one of those days.
Heck this week has been one of those weeks, and I anticipate this to be the case as I continue trying to do the “right things” in recovery.
I never took physics in highs school or college because I was history major and totally opted to double up on Chemistry and Genetics rather than anything that seemed as scientifically complicated as Physics, but I do understand the basic principle of momentum; and as Carrie explains them, they totally apply to anyone trying to overcome a bad habit or difficult situation.
At first you face the challenge with so much force and positivity.
“I can totally do this! I have a plan, want it so bad; nothing is going to stop me!!!!”
But the nonlinear progression of things messes up that force and it is as if you are climbing Mt. Everest, getting slower and weaker with every step.
It gets more complicated the further you ascend, everything in your mind tells you it would totally be easier to turn back, and to be honest, your brain is right.
Relapse is scaling down the ginormous mountain, and does not take long at all because once you start the plunge it is pretty easy to sprint to the destination.
That destination sucks.
But at the same time, I am trying to think about it like when I started to cheer in college.
Before you shake your head that I am using an exercise analogy, hear me out.
Cheering was totally unnatural to me. I didn’t participate in the sport in high school, and kind of tried out on a whim my freshman year at LVC so the nights I would come home after two hours of practice, I literally felt like a bus hit me.
I was somewhat used to lifting light free-weights but that is NOTHING compared to lifting a person over your head or holding you own body weight in a handstand on top of someone’s shoulders.
I will forever argue that cheerleading is a sport because when it comes to stunting, no amount of strength training can truly prepare a body for the various muscles one uses. BUT, after a few weeks into the season, the soreness subsides and you are in the routine of a new workout. It is still hard, but manageable and somewhat exciting to perform and see the results of a lot of time and effort spent bettering yourself and your team.
I think that scenario would be a GREAT thing for me to remember when I am struggling to reach my prescribed calorie content for the day claiming I am soooo uncomfortable.
Of course it is uncomfortable!
I am not used to consistently sticking with the increased number of exchanges. Mentally it is hard, and physically, I don’t like that my stomach sticks out like I am preg-o due to bloat, but similarly to when I was in college and the relinquished distress my body felt following pre-season, I will get used to the anxiety and pains of recovery.
It might even be exciting to see the results, just like when you could see the faces of the crowd after throwing up an awesome basket toss or two and a half.
I may not enjoy the weight as it piles on, but less conflict within my family, a more fun and free way of life, and Ryan actually telling me he is proud of me again, would most definitely be welcome reward.
I was terrified and hesitant about college cheering, but ended up absolutely loving my experience, the friends it made me, and how I felt after even the toughest practice days. I am hoping the process to find balance, is no different 🙂