Wahoo! It is Wednesday and I am particularly happy to announce this because not only is it the time for the blog-tradition of WIAW, or my personal favorite, WILW, but it is also MORE than halfway through the work week because of the holiday!
Although we don’t really do much to celebrate Easter, since Ryan and his mom are typically working, and my mom lives in New Jersey with her new family who celebrate Passover, my husband and I have a nice relaxing weekend planned, filled with The Masters (any other golf fans out there!?) and a little shopping.
Sounds like a fabulous few days off to me!
Of course I am getting a little ahead of myself, considering I had a pretty amazing time last weekend that I never got to share.
Sunday, my aunt and I went to the Philly Farm Fest, to spend some time learning about new trends in agriculture, sample amazing products, and make some purchases I was absolutely thrilled to feature in my menu rotation.
I initially heard about the convention through a company I was introduced to back in the fall; Fresh Appeal Hummus.
You may or may not remember the delectable Pumpkin Hummus that I ate on pretty much everything for two days until I single-handedly finished the container, but I haven’t been able to find it since!
I have been totally feigning for the thick, cinnamon-y, sweetness, ever since Facebook told me they would be a vendor at the show, so I knew if there would be other stands similar to this, I absolutely had to go.
Unfortunately Ryan was working, because he enjoys these kinds of activities as well, (and Chipotle was giving out free tacos!), but I am pretty sure Aunt Steph was sold when she tasted her first bite of the Fresh-A-Peel spreads.
We ended up leaving with six containers of different varieties, which kind of impressed me because I could have easily walked out with every single option. But now that I know they are freezable I am doubting next time I will be able to show as much restraint.
Regardless, I will savor my Spicy Black Bean and Jalapeno Lime, which make a phenomenal topper for a “fiesta-like” salad.
I bet you can guess what is in my lunch sack today 😉
The convention was packed with awesome companies, farms, and individuals who have an obvious passion for buying local, remaining organic, and serving their customers, just like Fresh-A-Peel, so I also walked away with Whole Grain Banana Blueberry Muffins, Pumpkin Cranberry Loaf, and a few samples of a delicious marinated vegetable salad from The Fresh Grocer.
As much as I love where Ryan and I live, this totally made me want to move to Philadelphia; so many choices and such a short day.
But despite how wonderful this day was, and how much fun I had with my aunt, it was a challenging one for me, aside from the obvious abundance of food.
The very unlun-CJ-like-lack of structure killed me.
I woke up naturally at 4:00 a.m. (I wish I could sleep in on the weekends!!!!) starving, which is probably a sign I did not consume enough the day before, but listened to my body and had some breakfast before I took a walk and fell back to sleep for half hour.
I then re-woke up to do some cleaning, get ready, and pick up Steph before heading to the city.
The day before I asked if she wanted to get lunch while we were out and about and she seemed interested so I figured no need to pack something, and my body was craving some good old guac from Chipotle so maybe I could convince her to make the short walk to the fast-casual joint after the show.
As we walked through the festival there were a ton of things to try, and I did take a few small samples, but declined many due to a raging ED voice and the thought that lunch would be in a few hours.
When we left the expo I asked about lunch and she wasn’t really hungry, so I kind of forgot the whole Barbacoa salad idea and suggested we just drive home.
Ryan was texting me encouraging me to make sure I had a proper meal when I finally entered my kitchen, even though it was a little after 3 PM.
This is not lunch time.
It is not dinner time.
This MIGHT be able to be considered snack time, but what am I supposed to do?!
I know I didn’t eat “enough” to satisfy any type of meal plan, but I was terrified of consuming too many calories for the day if I messed up my normal schedule.
Although I convinced myself that I wasn’t hungry, my stomach was making a strange noise and I was really tired; all good reasons to nourish oneself, so I put together a bunch of ingredients I got at the market and of course a few goodies from earlier that day, and made my obscure afternoon “l-inner.”
I was way more hungry than I thought because I ate a little over what I first anticipated.
I will admit, I went into preparation telling myself this would not be a “normal” meal, maybe a min-meal, in case I got hungry again before snack, but what I actually had was not really what I, or I suppose, Ed, envisioned.
Brrriiiing (that, my friends, is the sound of a text message)
Wouldn’t you know Ryan text me at the very second as I was contemplating finishing the items that did in fact make this a sufficiently balanced meal, and a wave of guilt, comfort, whatever the push I needed, was to do the “right” thing took place.
I guess I needed that extra starch after all…
Around 8, when he got home, I combined an evening meal with snack and TRIED to distract myself by watching Game of Thrones.
As much as I absolutely LOVE that show and was looking forward to the premier, it was so hard to refocus my thoughts on anything other than “omg you fat pig, you totally overrate today because you had, like, 3 lunches!”
Completely irrational, and pointless considering everything I consumed was delicious, wholesome, NEEDED, and already in my stomach, but those things don’t matter when it comes to Ed.
I went to bed still fretting about the huge amount of olive oil that could have potentially been on the marinated vegetables, or that I could have completely skipped a meal and no one would have ever known, but in the morning I woke to a sleeping husband next to me, pictures of past adventures on my night table and the comforting knowledge that today would be a new day.
EVERY day is a new day.
And regardless of how negative, hurtful and detrimental our thoughts can be to our progress, there is always a chance to start over and change the past.
My journey is slow…sometimes too slow…and I know I frustrate the heck out my family (and readers!) but that doesn’t mean recovery wont happen for me. Sometimes I need to remind myself that although days are hard and Ed is strong, with every slip there is a lesson learned that could lead to a triumph.
That is what I need to remember, not the calories in yesterday’s breakfast.