Today is Friday, and as I seem to say every week, TGIF!
In the spirit of the upcoming weekend, and how appreciative I am for this work week to come to a close, I figured it might be a good time to explore the feeling of gratitude.
As I was having my melt-down about the tuna fish sandwich last week, and my dietician was trying to rationalize the irrelevance of its consumption, she tried to bring me back to earth by telling me all the things I had to LIVE for.
In the grand scheme of things, is one sandwich going to make or break my existence? Obviously not.
Does it take away any of the blessings God has given me? Actually it brings me closer to them.
Maybe that doesn’t make much sense, but I look at it this way.
Having an eating disorder has taken away so many things, which I have mentioned several times throughout the duration of my blog, and the only thing it really has provided is minimal comfort in times of panic.
Of course this is barely true because ED acts as a really cheap band-aid; masking the wound but ready to fall off at any second and just create a seriously nasty infection.
ED is a liar; one of the worst kind because he is so manipulative and cruel and essentially wants you to die.
But anyway, if one thinks of all the things it removes from life, it can make a person quite angry.
Although I originally thought getting mad at my ED might be the best idea in order to combat it, what about a different approach; remembering what I am thankful for presently, and what I could have back if I kicked these bad habits to the curb.
By making “healthy,” recovery-based decisions, I am slowly but surely gaining more than just weight.
My husband and I will be able to have an amazing time on our vacation in June.
My mom might ask me to have a mother-daughter day where we go shopping and enjoy lunch at one of our favorite mall spots (hello Cheesecake Factory or Seasons 52, anyone?!)
I could potentially be able to run the Disney Princess half-marathon with my mother-in-law I had aspired to this year but sadly was not able.
These are specifics that I think about constantly, but look at the building blocks of those aspirations.
I have an amazing family.
Sure they don’t all get along and I have some major skeletons in my closet in regards to my kin, but I still love them more than anything in this world, and all ED does is push them farther away.
They have relentlessly tried to help me, given up time, money and watched me waste away before their eyes, time after, time, after time.
I am incredibly thankful to have them because as many of you have expressed to me via e-mail, that is not something everyone is as lucky to have.
I was also fortunate enough to keep my job.
A lot of people have difficulty concentrating, maintaining a career, etc. when they get sick. Although I know I am not as “on” as I probably could be, I still have a wonderful occupation that allows Ryan and I to take fun trips, live in a nice home, survive on a daily basis, etc.
We are very very blessed. I AM VERY BLESSED, in so many ways, and perhaps instead of channeling rage into my recovery, because let’s face it, how much more negativity do I need in my life, I should probably switch it up to being more GRATEFUL for the what I do HAVE and how even more wonderful life could be if I were in a better place.
I haven’t done a PTG in a long time, but there is no better time than the present.
Today I am proud of waking up with a positive mindset.
I am incredibly thankful for everything I mentioned above, in addition to the gorgeous weather, a Friday date night with Ryan and two days off to rejuvenate.
My goal for the day is to stay present and enjoy every bite of the delicious sandwich Ryan is bringing me today for lunch 🙂
Your turn! Happy Friday!!!