I am not Catholic, but I do consider myself a non-denominational Christian, and the Lenten season is a time I feel is a ritual demonstration of faith.
I don’t judge those who don’t participate; especially since the more and more consumed I became with my eating disorder, the less time I had for things like a relationship with God, but I am definitely trying to rekindle the spirituality I once practiced, not necessarily within the four walls of a church, but definitely through prayer and an attempt to get in touch with what makes me feel close to the Lord.
Anyway, this is certainly not a post telling you about my religious upbringing or aim to get back on track in that regard, it is more about the concept of giving something up.
When I asked Ryan if he decided on his “vice” to relinquish for Lent, he wasn’t prepared to answer definitively but we tossed around a few ideas.
During our conversation I came to realize most of the typical things people abstain from are actually things I need to start incorporating into my life; chocolate, sweets, maybe even a glass of wine here or there, and then I got an e-mail from a friend suggesting I give up the treadmill.
Yes. I will admit, this might be a good idea.
Who am I kidding; to my husband this is the greatest idea since sliced bread! But! I know I cannot do that.
I might be able to cut back, but completely eliminating it from my life is not really something I am willing to do.
Criticize all you want…I fully expect it, actually, but as much as I appreciated and can admit that it is definitely a recovery-based suggestion, I could not do so without going absolutely insane.
Addict, I know.
Ok, all that being said, there are a few other things I NEED to get rid of outside the exercise realm…
STOP THE NEGATIVE SELF-TALK
This goal is one I am going to try my best to accomplish, because daily, incessant, seriously mean comments within my head are not fun.
All they do is bring me down and lead me on a path of destruction, so they need to go, NOW.
Since they are pretty frequent, completely abolishing them might be a little far-fetched, but I am going to be way more mindful and combat them as soon as they pop up, hopefuly creating a more healthy pattern of being nice to myself.
I also want to incorporate mentally repeating AT LEAST one positive thing every morning, and hopefully more throughout the day.
*I am a very intelligent woman (does that count?)
Oh my gosh I need to get rid of this horrific habit ASAP.
I visited this topic before, a LONG time ago on the blog, and was pretty successful at not doing it for a while, but then unfortunately the ritual crept back into my life with vengeance.
Living by a number is awful; so restrictive and controlling, and can totally dictate my mood in the worst way.
It has always been a hindrance to my progress in recovery and I really want to eliminate it as fast as I can.
Using the tips I suggested before, and having Ryan help me portion things or deciding on our meals has definitely helped, but sometimes I still catch myself trying to total up my daily eats in an estimated fashion.
Of course the number is never good enough from a “healthy” or sick standpoint, because in recovery you can always be doing more, and when you are in the ED mindset you can never have too little consumption. Either way I never “win.”
Actually, I take that back. Getting healthy is ultimately “winning,” right?
A more fulfilling life, a happier marriage and demeanor, less physical and mental pain…all these things seem like a victory, so following a positive meal plan, sans calorie counting, and ignoring the negative self-talk in my mind, are definitely my two Lent ambitions.
They are not traditional by any means, but who cares?!
Ridding myself of these two vices, that have ultimately gotten in the way of my faith, is certainly a cleanse in my book.
So what about you? What are you giving up for Lent?