Good Evening and a very happy Sunday to you all 🙂
I feel like I say this every weekend, but my gosh do they fly! Perhaps it is because I am trying to be more social, which is definitely a positive, but the two days I used to dread because of excessive amounts of downtime, aka, more openings for negative thoughts to intrude my mind, are now some of the happiest times of my week.
I was especially lucky this Saturday to meet up with two fabulous women who are not only wonderful friends, but also very inspirational in my life.
You have seen Lauren pop up before, since we met at HLS this summer and gotten together a few times since, but last evening she introduced me to her friend, Jen, who, as Lauren predicted, I fell in love with, right away.
Both these ladies have great perspectives on life, are honest, and we share similarities that give us a connection I really can’t explain.
Sappyness aside, we had to change our plans several times due to inclement weather, wishy-washy predictions by our local newscasters and the fear that driving late at night might not be the best idea.
Although I was totally looking forward to our original agenda, a trip to Trader Joes (hello, who wouldn’t?!), we ended up selecting to have dinner at a more local establishment, Harvest, that had a really pleasant atmosphere and a fantastic menu.
I did have a bit of anxiety because they do not publish any sort of nutritional information, being that their whole premise is all the dishes contain AT LEAST one local ingredient, meaning it changes pretty much all the time, but as we got involved in conversation and catching up, my panic began to subside.
For three hours we laughed, got to know one another better, and I did my best to reach out for help. As I said last week, I absolutely cannot do this alone, and as my struggles continue, and the days before Ryan comes home are beginning to dwindle, I am almost desperate to find an answer as to how I can “just do it.”
Several of you have told me I just have to; there really isn’t another option for me right now that does not result in me losing more than just my physical health, and the majority expressed they simply had to just cease behaviors all together.
Not to sound incredibly pathetic or weak, but I can’t do that.
I am sorry if that completely dissapoints everyone, but I have to be honest.
To me, being social and enjoying a restaurant this weekend was progress, albeint minute progress, but at least I defied everything in my mind that said “DON’T GO!”…”MAKE AN EXCUSE!”…”YOU CAN’T EAT THERE!”
And you know what? It turned out great, so maybe if I can hold on to the faith that a post-recovery will also be ok despite the screaming ED voice that just won’t let up, I can push through and make better desicions.
7 days and counting until Ryan gets home, and since some of you asked, my strategy for now, is to make one small change everyday.
Today, I did ten minutes less on the treadmill.
Big deal, I know, but like I said, baby steps.
Happy Sunday, everyone. Here’s to a new week 🙂