Baby Steps

Good Evening and a very happy Sunday to you all 🙂

I feel like I say this every weekend, but my gosh do they fly!  Perhaps it is because I am trying to be more social, which is definitely a positive, but the two days I used to dread because of excessive amounts of downtime, aka, more openings for negative thoughts to intrude my mind, are now some of the happiest times of my week.

I was especially lucky this Saturday to meet up with two fabulous women who are not only wonderful friends, but also very inspirational in my life.

You have seen Lauren pop up before, since we met at HLS this summer and gotten together a few times since, but last evening she introduced me to her friend, Jen, who, as Lauren predicted, I fell in love with, right away.

Both these ladies have great perspectives on life, are honest, and we share similarities that give us a connection I really can’t explain.

Sappyness aside, we had to change our plans several times due to inclement weather, wishy-washy predictions by our local newscasters and the fear that driving late at night might not be the best idea.

Although I was totally looking forward to our original agenda, a trip to Trader Joes (hello, who wouldn’t?!), we ended up selecting to have dinner at a more local establishment, Harvest, that had a really pleasant atmosphere and a fantastic menu.

I did have a bit of anxiety because they do not publish any sort of nutritional information, being that their whole premise is all the dishes contain AT LEAST one local ingredient, meaning it changes pretty much all the time, but as we got involved in conversation and catching up, my panic began to subside.

For three hours we laughed, got to know one another better, and I did my best to reach out for help.  As I said last week, I absolutely cannot do this alone, and as my struggles continue, and the days before Ryan comes home are beginning to dwindle, I am almost desperate to find an answer as to how I can “just do it.”

Several of you have told me I just have to; there really isn’t another option for me right now that does not result in me losing more than just my physical health, and the majority expressed they simply had to just cease behaviors all together.

Not to sound incredibly pathetic or weak, but I can’t do that.

I am sorry if that completely dissapoints everyone, but I have to be honest.

To me, being social and enjoying a restaurant this weekend was progress, albeint minute progress, but at least I defied everything in my mind that said “DON’T GO!”…”MAKE AN EXCUSE!”…”YOU CAN’T EAT THERE!”

And you know what?  It turned out great, so maybe if I can hold on to the faith that a post-recovery will also be ok despite the screaming ED voice that just won’t let up, I can push through and make better desicions.

7 days and counting until Ryan gets home, and since some of you asked, my strategy for now, is to make one small change everyday.

Today, I did ten minutes less on the treadmill.

Big deal, I know, but like I said, baby steps.

Happy Sunday, everyone.  Here’s to a new week 🙂


15 thoughts on “Baby Steps

  1. Dinner out with friends and 10 minutes less on the treadmill are awesome first steps! It is a big deal and you should be proud of yourself! Keep at it 🙂

  2. Although my struggles seemed to be less intense than yours most of the time, I still know what you mean and am nevertheless always proud of you! I think the only way to be able to let yourself “just do it” each time, is to actually TRY to feel the good things that come out of exercising less when your body is aching or eating something when you’re hungry… when you actually sort of allow yourself to bask in that goodness and truly recognize it, then you’ll remember how good it feels and that hopefully will be what wins you over when you make the better choice. I know for me now as much as I wish I could lose a couple pounds even though it really would be ridiculous, I find myself starting off the day with a smaller breakfast only to get hungrier faster and more intense. It’s then that I realize, “Wow, this really sucks!” lol. And eat something and feel so much better — not just for the decision, but for the mere fact that I am physically soothing myself.

    So just keep reminding yourself of the good things that come out of these choices or baby steps… as much as you probably had some anxiety about less time on the treadmill, try not to dwell on that. 🙂

    • Thanks Jess! It is always nice to know someone can relate to the process, even though I would never wish this on anyone!!!
      I am trying not only to stop dwelling on my 10 minutes less yesterday, but to also NOT let it affect the rest of my week or other behaviors!

  3. Great progress my dear! Eating out at a restaurant that you didn’t know the menu ahead of time AND ten less minutes on the treadmill! I am very proud of you! I can’t wait to see how you build on this progress every day. I know you can do it. I am very happy also that you allowed yourself to ask for help from friends, who I am sure are glad to support you, as am I…..I love you girl, you know I do….miss you too! ❤

  4. WAY TO GO on the steps you are taking to get the life you want! Remember- doing recovery is that. It’s not just the things we tend to focus on- gaining weight, eating more, etc. It’s about getting the life we want… feeling energy we’ve never felt before, really spending time with husbands (rather than being in our own heads when we are with them), having the mind power, energy and strength to finally learn what we like, what we don’t and start doing the things we really love (rather than all the things ed has been telling us for years). I read your blog all the time and wish you the best of luck! For me, baby steps seemed to work, but in reality FOR ME, I see that they were my excuse to half *&! recovery. I could keep one foot in recovery and one in ed. But, it’s different for everyone. Be proud of your accomplishments!

    • thank you Karla! I get caught in that “half-ass” recovery stuff too, which is why i am hoping even with babysteps I can continue to evaluate my progress and be honest about where I am. Thank you for your input and support!!!

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