WIAW: For Real

I get a lot of questions about meal planning….like, a lot.

I also get many inquisitions on MY meal plan, which I want to stress, is personal, as far as it was designed for me, my activity level, and individual needs.

It is important, when trying to gain or lose weight, to consult a professional before doing anything drastic, so do not under any circumstances take what I post about my menu as, “I should do this too!”

That being said, I have to admit I don’t often share the whole truth about my daily consumption because I am pretty ashamed of my selections and the way I tend to eat them.

Maybe that is a sign that there is something wrong, or more appropriately stated, disordered, about my daily intake, andit is my hope that by being more candid, it will inspire me to make better, more recovery based choices.

After all, someone very smart once told me, “We are only as sick as our secrets.”

So I thought, going along with my openness about every other aspect of my life lately, I guess I could be one hundred percent up front about my typical day of eats, by using Tuesday, as an example.

*BEFORE YOU GO ANY FURTHER I WANT TO MAKE CLEAR…DO NOT THINK I AM TELLING YOU THIS AS AN EXAMPLE FOR YOU TO FOLLOW…

I AM NOT PROUD OF SOME OF THESE CHOICES SINCE THEY TEND TO CUT CORNERS AND DEFY THE PROCESS OF GETTING WELL.

IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED OR HAVE A HARD TIME WITH COMPARISONS TO OTHERS, IT MIGHT BE A GOOD IDEA TO COME BACK TOMORROW.

I APOLOGIZE IF THIS MAKES YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE, but as I stated earlier, I am hoping that being more open might also help me be more accountable.

Ok, now after that introduction, here is a “normal” work day for me…

4:10 a.m. (Pre-Treadmill—because I cannot exercise on an empty stomach)

  • 1 Low Fat Eggo Waffle
  • 1 Diet Pepsi Max
  • 1 Full Glass of Water

*it is really embarrassing that I start my day with a Diet Pepsi Max, but at 4:10 I need a jolt of caffine. This is a habit I really want to break but it just hasn’t happened yet…

Like I said…I am ashamed of this…

6:30 a.m. (Before Work)

  • Oatmeal with lots of cinnamon
  • .5 Cup of Plain Chobani (0%) mixed with .5 Cup Unsweetened Almond Milk and topped with .5 Cup fresh strawberries
  • 2/3 Cup Egg Beaters with about a tablespoon of reduced sugar ketchup
  • 1/2 Cup of Coffee
  • Water

10:00 a.m.

AGAIN, I need to preface this that I am really embarrassed to admit that my morning snack as of late has either been:

  • Small bag of Baked Lays

OR

  • One serving of Paul Newman Pretzels

I feel like I should maybe have a snack of fruit, yogurt, or small serving of nuts, but instead I am choosing a salty processed snack.

I am not against packaged foods, but for some reason having CHIPS in the morning seems wrong.

It isn’t. I mean I should eat what my body wants because I don’t often do that, but I really was hesitant to tell all of you my guilty food.

12:30 Lunch

  • Lettuce with carrots, vinegar and one tablespoon of Paul Newman’s Low Fat Sesame Ginger Dressing
  • .5 Cups of sliced strawberries
  • 1 container of 0% Plain Chobani
  • Peanut Butter and Jelly made with 2 Slices Light Fiber One Multigrain Bread, 2 tsp peanut butter and 2 tsp Sugar Free Jam

*This “Peanut Butter and Jelly” drives my husband up the wall. He feels 2 tsp of nut butter to be annoying for a few reasons; because not everyone measures out every little thing with a set of measuring spoons they keep in their desk drawer, and it is not nearly enough spread to call it a sandwich.

I obviously disagree but I hear his lecture quick frequently.

—literally half an hour later I realized I wasn’t completely satisfied and went for 1/8 cup of Emerald Sweet and Salty Cinnamon Nuts. I was SO mad at myself for this. My mind kept screaming at my about how I should have been totally fine with the lunch I had. How could I possibly need more?!

I also drank a seltzer and completed my third camelback water bottle for the day.

5:30 PM.

I made meatloaf from this recipe.

EXCEPT I used 96/4% lean ground beef, omitted the bread crumbs, onion and egg entirely, and substituted reduced sugar ketchup, egg beaters, and a lesser amount of meat…I only had 1.25 pounds rather than nearly 2.

I then sliced the loaf into 8 pieces and gave myself about 1.25 pieces, which I put overtop lettuce and drizzled with reduced-sugar ketchup.

*Again, my husband thinks this is odd, but it is so normal to me I find it delicious and totally acceptable…

On the side Peanut Butter Crackers (Whole Wheat Lance Peanut Butter)

*PACKAGED when I should be making them, but Ryan hates when I measure things so I stuck with something I knew the measurements and satisfied the carb-fat exchange that I needed.

I also had a container of Chobani 0% Plain.

Water and Hot Tea are always my dinner time beverages.

8:00 p.m. Snack

Ryan absolutely HATES this snack because it is SUPER voluminous but not as calorically dense as it COULD be.

Smoothie made with 1 entire Pint of Arctic Zero (this stuff is amazing but only 150 calories for the ENTIRE pint…ED much?!) 2 Cups of ice and water….blended to make the smoothie.

1 Peanut Honey Pretzel Luna Bar (I often have a bar with my smoothie and it rotates between whatever is in my pantry stash…typically Clif Mojo, KIND, Luna, NUGO, Lara, etc.)

9:30 FAST asleep

Typing this out is seems like a TON of food.

As I said, I am pretty embarrassed to share this with all of you because I keep thinking, “omg they are going to think I am a pig, I eat so many times and so much in a day, I eat all junk food, etc.” but I am kind of getting it out there to encourage myself to change a few things.

I don’t think it is realistic to say I will ever completely eliminate all packaged foods in my diet. I like them, they are convienient sometimes, and honestly, everything in moderation (ha, can you believe I just said that) is fine. BUT I would like to maybe trust myself to eat more unmeasurable things, implement more challenging items, and increase my calories since I am not totally following the plan my dietician suggests.

*PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not adopt any of these horrible habits, or corner cutting techniques that I was so ashamed to share. I am not posting this to glorify my day, or choices. They are not recovery focused at all, but I wanted to be honest so you all did not think I was some great example of what should be done throughout the day.

If you want real ice cream, please eat it.

You are worth so much more than a nutrition label.

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36 thoughts on “WIAW: For Real

  1. Hi,

    I have never commented on your blog, but I have been reading it for a long time, since I relate to you big time. I’m also recovering from an ed (anorexcia).
    And I just want you give some words of support, yes what you eat is not much and it is not all the healthiest, but also look at the positive; you do eat a lot of healthy stuff: yoghurt, nuts, fruit! Don’t beat yourself up for the ”unhealthy” chips…

    • well thank you for reading! and I really appreciate your support and encouragement. I am sorry you have to battle this horrrific disease. it is no fun AT ALL! let me know if you ever need anything. support is essential to health 🙂

      • Tnx for the answer, always great when a blogger actually reads your comments 🙂 I am doing somewhat better now a days after 5 months of intensive thearapy but I do know that a relapse is always possible, i read somewhere that recovery takes somewhere between 7-10 years :S.
        And if I can help you any way, you have my e-mail adres!

      • I LOVE reading comments. it might be one of my favorite parts of blogging! i am really glad to hear you are doing better. it stinks that recovery takes so long, but i keep hearing no one on the “other side” ever regrets being there, but admits the journey is hard! keep up the hard work and I might just take you up on that e-mail 😉

  2. This is far too familiar for me! I remember when I was tricking myself and others into thinking i was eating ALL the time and so much food, but it’s not really how much you are eating rather what you are eating. It’s funny because now I eat FAR less than I ever did when I had my ED but my meals are entirely more calorie dense and definitely full of nutrients. It’s amazing that I’m never really hungry anymore. I never thought that would happen but it does. Eating becomes normal when you eat normal food. 🙂

  3. Thank you for being honest about this… it is clear to me (and you of course) that you still have some changes you need to make! Why not have a snack between lunch and dinner btw?! I would never make it haha
    I am getting more comfortable with the amount i eat and am realizing I truly do need more food than others

  4. You know that everyone that reads this will have different feelings and opinions. You said you are worried about people judging your choices, thinking you eat a lot, etc. I read it and think the opposite…and I know you know that many eat a lot more than you do, make many more “unhealthy” choices throughout the day, and are still generally healthy. I don’t mean this in a bad way at ALL…just wanting to express to you that (coming from someone on the outside), I am very hopeful you can get to a better place and be happier to eat more normally. If you heard what I eat, you’d be appalled! 🙂

  5. I am almost speechless! Your poor little head obsessing about these choices all day….it is exhausting…no wonder you have to go to bed so early…..and also it does not add up to all the fuel you need to keep going! I hope you can hear Lauren when she says, “eating becomes normal when you eat normal food.”
    I can’t imagine the amount of investigating you had to do to find just the right tastes in just the right quantity to semi satisfy your craving…….Like they say in the Wizard of Oz…..SURRENDER MY DEAR….. Xoxox

    • Couldn’t agree more with this comment… Surrender! The more you try to stick to a rigid meal plan the more you hold on to your ED. You call that recovery? It’s not… it really is not. I did that for a while too and just felt like I was in limbo. AND… I was unhappy. Life is so much better now when I finally let go of that rigidity and let my body go where it needed to weight-wise, and I haven’t altered my food choices or exercise since and have maintained.

      • sometimes i dont think our bodies tell us we are hungry, but when we start to eat, you want more and that is your bodys way of saying, FEED ME!

  6. 1) this is NOT a lot of food…i repeat…that is NOT enough food…so stop feeling guilty for that, okay?

    2) you are making healthy choices + some processed choices (that are still FAR better than the average american)…so your choices are not “bad”….they are “bad” because they are LOW calorie….trust me…i’ve eaten CRAP food in a hospital before…but it was HIGH CALORIE crap food…so u still aren’t making the higher choices and that is keeping you standing in one place and not progressing

    3) i have a lot to say…maybe i’ll email u?

    4) i’m in crisis…i’ve spent the last week binging every night…literally…but the next day i don’t exercise + i still force in a ton of food (including grains and including chocolate)…i feel HORRIBLY…i literally look pregnant and i’m constipated or my bowels are really bad…i feel so guilty…i think i need a few “good” days but i can’t bring myself to do it…i’m in crisis…i don’t know what to do…guilt monster x 20…i do not know how to recover from my binges…i need to “recover” but instead i continue the cycle and my stomach is in pain

    5) Lauren’s comment confuses me…like if i count up her calories on her blog…its barely anything…but she is normal and healthy she says ….(then again, …i notice that the girls that seem to eat very little on their blogs and think they eat a ton are the same ones who struggle to get pregnant or suffer hormonal issues…that is NOT directed at Lauren or a specific blogger…just thinking out loud…u can delete that if it comes across wrong).

  7. Wow I can’t even imagine counting and measuring out all my food like that -seems like it would take forever! I found that becoming vegan helped me really stop caring about serving sizes and calories. I eat tons of veggies, fruits, whole grains and beans, and because I know those are all nutrient dense and good for my body I don’t worry about the calories in them. Plus they fill me up and don’t leave me craving processed crap (although I do eat processed crap sometimes). I obviously know that veganism would not be an option for you right now but I do think that your body is in desperate need of nutrients that it probably isn’t getting with all the processed stuff. I just wondered if maybe if you knew that the food was nutritious and healing you would be able to stray away from all the measuring.

    I hope this doesn’t sound judgemental. I obviously haven’t gone through what you are going through and I know that it must be impossibly hard. I continue to keep you in my prayers!

  8. Hi, I’ve read your blog for the last few months but have never commented until now. I do not have a ton of experience with eating disorders but what I DO know alot about is nutrition. I have my masters in human nutrition and one of my specialities is teaching cooking classes at farmers markers in new York. From your blog I see how badly you are struggling and I’m sure it is a terrible place to be in. On the other hand, your disorder will not disappear if you keep latching on to the things that allow it to thrive (measuring food frequently, exercising every day even of it’s walking, picking low calorie safe foods) Although those things are all positive, the main difference in you and an average person is that they wouldn’t have a mental meltdown if for some
    reason they had to go a few days without those things. Life does continue and no one dies from it
    and one day is not dependent upon the day before. I know thats extremely easy to say and harder to do but its the truth. I’m not here to criticize your
    lifestyle choices but I am here to offer input about
    your meal plan. Ill first say yes i do believe in certain things in moderation. I enjoy ice cream. Do i know its unhealthy, yes but every now and again i love having it! Theres no reason to cut some things out conpletely. They just cant be a staple in your diet. Although many of the foods on your meal plan seem like “safe” choices, many of
    them are not healthy choices for the body itself. Humans are not intended to live off packaged, proverset foods or diet cokes. If there’s anything in this world that is 100% terrible for you it is soda and especially diet soda. The chemicals and preservatives in it are terrible for the brain and linked to inflammation in the brain. Your body does NOT need it, ever. If you enjoy caffeine, there are better sources such as herbal green tea in the morning. That’s a great substitute! I don’t think you eat a lot in a 24 hour period, personally you don’t eat anything large enough to really fill you and give you fantastic nutrition. You might want to think about adding better protein sources to your plan (garbanzo beans, lentils, legumes, yams…) there are literally hundreds of things that come from the ground, trees, stalks and not a factory covered in plastic wrap. Most diets should be plant based throughout the day with carbs, healthy fats , fruits and protein tossed in. Yes these things do not have calorie labels on them but the calories should not matter, most are very low anyways. Your body NEEDS healthy, whole foods. Try to think of your body as a machine. It requires someone to take care of it and maintain it. I follow the belief that if our ancestors didn’t eat it, we probably don’t need it. Another thing to consider, the body needs variety in order to get all the vitamins, antioxidants and minerals it needs in one day. This means VARIETY! 🙂 greens, yellows, oranges, deep reds! The colors of vegetables and fruits signifies a lot about what vitamins and antioxidants they offer. Think about having sautéed asparagus one night as a side dish with some broiled salmon and quinoa for dinner then the next time switch it up with steamed cauliflower with fresh Lima beans. It’s all about variety! I hope this offered some help to you. Try to remember, you only have one body. That’s it. You don’t get a replacement body. You MUST treat your body with care. No one else but you has the power to do that. Eventually you will find confidence and pride in treating your body with respect. It’s a wonderful feeling 🙂 good luck!!!

    • I am absolutely blown away by your comment! i feel so honored that you took the time to provide such wonderful feedback and advice. i started constructing a list for my groceries and i thought it might be good to apply the strategy “shop the perimeter” that they always talk about when it comes to health and wellness.
      bulk bins might just be my new friend 🙂
      as i said, i appreciate how considerate you are for providing me with a lot of encouragement and support! thank you thank you thank you!

  9. Here is my meal plan this week for comparison. I’ve never had an Ed but I am hypoglycemic and freak out like a loon if my blood sugar isn’t stable. Plus i weight train. Now THIS is a lot of food!
    5am coffee
    Workout
    Protein shake: whey oj and a fat (lately heavy cream)
    8am Ezekiel toast, chobani, fruit
    1030 apple PB and cheese stick
    1:00 quinoa with beans veggies and vinegar
    3:30 fish and veggies
    6:00 red meat or chicken and veggies
    (we have unlimited snacks at work so usually with my 1:00 meal I have cookies or chips or something bad; in the e ending I snack on carrots)

    • i look at that and dont see a lot of food. its so weird how we judge ourselves differently than others.
      i appreciate that your shared with me, and i think you are beautiful so perhaps I should give this schedule a try!

      • That’s so sweet of you! It seems like a lot to me because I prepare it all in one day, lug it all to work, and take up half of the employee fridge with my containers. Plus, 2 1/2 hours comes quick on a busy day so I feel like im always eating. But, it keeps me healthy and that’s what matters above anything else!

  10. I am going to be really blunt here because I think you need it – you skimp on every single exchange and pick diet foods instead of the real foods required to recover from an eating disorder. I’m in recovery from an eating disorder and eat almost more calorically before dinner than you eat in a day. There is a reason you are not making any progress in recovery. I am being a hypocrite because I am still really struggling in my recovery process, but I just want you to understand that Ryan is going crazy about your meal choices for a reason.

    • I agree with this comment.. I eat A TON of food at 10 pm “bedtime snack” that more peolple eat is one meal.

      I don’t eat perfect..hell, i binged on granola bars recently..I eat chocolate, oh yes, etc…

      but i will say this about your eats:

      1) 2 TSPs of nut butter???? that is insane….in the hospital for me , a pb sandwich meant 4 TABLESPOONS of nut butter + jam + banana + yogurt + milk + dessert + etc etc etc….
      I typically eat about 5 tbsps of nut butter before dinner meal alone…a lot…i confess to u that .

      2) arctic zero is crap…i highly recommend full fat dairy ice cream…stuff with REAL cream and REAL fat….why buy empty sugar that food industry creates when you can hhave real stuff that your grandma used to eat (i.e REAL food)

      3) buy Van’s waffles…dump the low-fat crap…

      4) use REAL eggs…i eat 2-3 WHOLE eggs per day

      5) eat the pretzels dipped in nut butter and/or hummus

      6) eat BIGGER portions of meat…add OLIVE oil to all salads and veggies (helps absorb the nutrients…i add one tablespoon to each meal) + add more starches (not low-calorie bread….REAL dense, HEARTY bread….like on “kath eats real food” )

      7) would it hold u accountable to write a “what i ate” post at the end of every day + your exercise for that day? that way it is on the screen…u can bounce it off your hubby and others, profess your thoughts, start to CHANGE, and print it and show your therapist…u need to change, but you won’t…what will it take? i don’t know…i have my own issues that seem foreign to any one else

      i just want u to have freedom from this…i want it to…that’s why i’m dedicated to do it now…i’m consulting a RD by email (long distance consult)…it may be a waste of money, but i have to try something…i hate this crap.

      • good for you hun for consulting an RD!
        I do keep a food record that I share with my dietician so I do know at the end of the day what I am doing, but thank you very much for the suggestion.
        I know all my choices are wrong, which is exactly why i posted them…accountability and to acknowledge the poor state I am currently in.
        Thank you for your feedback. I was also in the hospital so I know what a 6,000 calorie day looks like.
        I hope you can beat this. No one deserves to feel this way!

    • I agree with you Jenna, which is partially why I posted my day…as a measure of accountability and hopefully so I can make some changes.
      Thank you for being honest. Sometimes I need to hear it!

  11. Hey CJ! I’ve never commented before but I felt I should today after I read this.
    I hope you hear and BELIEVE that you can truly recover. I remember being in the place that you are in now and have been for some time and it hurts to know that someone who was so inspirational in my recovery is in such a crappy place; mentally, physically, and emotionally. I won’t tell you my whole story, and you already know part of it, but what I will tell you that no matter how far down we’ve gone, we can always always always come back up to where we want to be. I never though recovery was possible- I’ve had an eating disorder since I wa twelve and I’m 26 now, but 25 was the best ear of my life. I celebrated my 25th birthday in treatment– but NOT my 26th. I celebrated that in recovery. I finally made te decision to surrender and allow others to tell me what to do because I was unable to think for myself. My thinking got me where I was at that point. I needed someone totell me what was right and wrong I am so not saying that it’s EASY. But I am saying that it’s possible. I know what it’s like to be doing something I know longer WANT to but that I HAVE to and it hurts me to know that’s where you are right now. I truly, deeply hope that some day you find the way to full recovery and gain the things I have gained; the things I thought I had lost forever.
    I think youre an amazing person, with so much to offer and I hope someday you see you the way others see you.
    I’m sorry I’m such a sap. It just makes me sad to know someone so great is in such a shitty place.

    • Danielle,
      Thank you so much for saying such nice things. Honestly, it started my day off much better than normal to know someone has confidence that I can get better and that things dont have to be like this forever.
      You are so brave for surrendering and I hope I can use some of your strength to propel myself in a more healthy direction.
      I am very happy to hear you feel better, are doing better, and are much more free. Those things are so encouraging, and I hope they continue to progress for you 🙂
      Thank you again for your comment and kind words!
      Have a wonderful day!!!

      • Never think that I do not believe that you can get better and turn things around…. I abso lately DO! But it takes a village…this is bigger than you! I pray that you will be able to give up the pathological control, view yourself as worth it, and allow others in.
        I love you girl, you know I do!

  12. CJ, In many ways I’m sort of at the opposite end of your spectrum. Four years ago I was over 380 pounds. Three years ago I had gastric bypass surgery and I’ve now maintained at about 215 (give or take a few) for over 18 months.

    Obesity can be caused by over eating, just as big an ED as anorexia is, and you’re right when you said in your most recent posting ” an eating disorder can ONLY be defeated by working on mental, emotional and physical aspects of one’s existence, simultaneously.”

    And that applies to over eating/obesity as well. I/others who have had weight loss surgery sometimes get flack for taking the “easy” way out… but the surgery does nothing to help us with the mental and emotional battles that have to be fought to get to a healthy weight.

    So yea, just wanted to take a moment and say thanks for being so open, and let you know that even though we’re sort of two sides of the same coin your words resonate with more people than I think you realize.

    • Rob, your story is amazing and I do not think those who get surgery take the “easy way out.” Like you said, the underlying issues that are behind ANY form of disordered eating seem to be the hardest barriers to break.
      you are an inspiring individual and i really appreciate you sharing.

  13. I’m sorry to comment so late on this; I haven’t been able to read much out of my reader lately!

    I want to give you so much reassurance CJ. This was me in almost 9 years ago and it’s amazing how far I’ve come. There are no more measuring spoons, food scales, scanning labels like they’d be the death of me, worrying about exchanges or worrying so much. I know that it will feel like so much food sometimes, but I think one of the best ways to change your attitude about what you eat is to look at it differently. When I moved into recovery I was told to think of the food I was consuming as nutrients, vitamins, minerals…and eventually not about calories! Always harder said than done, but it will come CJ; I promise, it will come.

    • Thanks Melissa, you are so sweet for giving me some hope. You know sometimes that is exactly what a person needs to feel inspired again. I hope all is well with you and you are feeling better 🙂

  14. Hey sweetie!! Goodness I miss you and just want to give you a big fat hug right now! I’m sorry I never comment, but I promise I read every post. I guess I’ve just been busy, well, recovering! Honesty I don’t think you’d recognize me physically, spiritually or emotionally right now. I’m not going to comment on your eating right now, because let’s be real, I think you could do a better job analyzing and criticizing it than any of us, and I really dont think you need any more of that right now. I know that people say that you can never completely recover… but that just kept me stuck. Maybe this isnt forever, but I can honestly say that right now I feel better and healthier than I did before I even began struggling with my eating. I think I really began to change as soon as I started seeing myself, literally dreaming about a happy healthy me. At first it seems like such a long road, but the second you make the decision and completely surrender yourself (as many have said) to being the BEST you that you can be (I know what an amazing gal you are, and to see you confident and healthy would be the best gift to yourself and the world that you could give!) you are one step closer that dream. It’s the most scary when you doubt it, but why doubt happiness and love (self love, love from (with? hehe) your hubs, love from your family)? Each day the fear lessens. I know that feeling you probably have right now, “what if I cant stop gaining weight??!!” Soon that issue doesnt even matter anymore because your heart takes over and the worry becomes, “please don’t ever let me stop gaining life, love and happiness!” I’ll be honest, I’m MUCH bigger than I ever thought I’d be. I was so small for sooooooooo long that it felt impossible to change myself. But what your really doing isnt changing yourself, but BECOMING yourself. I know you, I saw it in your eyes how much potential for happiness you have, you sooo want it and deserve it so now you have to do whatever it takes… and you know what? “Whatever it takes” ends up being a hell of a lot easier than what youre doing now, sweetheart! I don’t want to scare you that I’ve reached a size thats on the higher end of average, but once I became healthy, my size is soo much less relevant. I have boobs, an ass and my body can bear a child! How amazing is that?! Recovery doesnt really start until that moment that you really scream FUCK YOU to your disordered eating/world and hug yourself to pieces knowing how much you want and deserve to live and be happy. You might have to give up exercise… like completely for just a little while. Ceejay… you might have to eat some real (yummy gasp) food (I literally eat dessert after every meal.) there comes a point when no one cares if you lie or cheat the system anymore because they all expect it now. Deceit hurts a lot of people, but mostly yourself. So you can say “I need to take it slow, I need a modified plan” but what you really need is to live. You can do it… I swear if you’re as dedicated and stubborn enough to be such a successful exerciser and dieter, imagine if you put all of that dedication into recovery?? Spend all of that time calling a friend (me!), reading poetry, drawing, or my favorite: volunteering! I volunteer in dialysis at the hospital and it’s addicting. What better way to use your addictive personality than doing something nice for others?! I love you to pieces and can’t wait to see you grow into the Ceejay that we all see sparks of, but always hides behind her fears. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!

    xoxoxo Mare

    • Oh my gosh Mary Ann! It is so good to hear from you and even better to hear how fabulously you are doing!!!! I felt so connected to you at HLS because I felt like we were so similar in our struggles. You are a wonderful friend for sharing your experience and providing so much hope. Thank you for taking the time to tell me all those inspiring things. Maybe we could get together sometime?! I would defiitely come visit 🙂 Continue making that amazing progress because you deserve such a better life than one with ED. I love you!!!!

  15. It’s really none of my business, but Ryan doesn’t sound as supportive as he could be to someone struggling. He sounds a lot like how my ex was. it’s baby steps toward recovery and you are doing a great job. I got a lot of help with my therapists….I haven’t read enough of your posts to see if you are seeing anyone, but seriously, it is worth every penny.

    • I am actually in transition from therapists right now. Next week is my first time back with my old one and the time can not come fast enough! I agree that it is a much needed expense in recovery!!!!

  16. Hi CJ!
    Sorry I’m just catching up with google reader. One point that I wanted to make that I don’t *think* anyone else said is that when you don’t get enough nutrition per day, the ED thoughts can come back stronger because your brain isn’t getting enough nutrients (glucose, fatty acids, etc) to connect the thoughts and go through the whole thought-forming cognitive process. Our brain needs the nutrition in order to absorb what you’re learning in therapy and process the information in a different (healthier) way. Obviously it’s much deeper than just “sticking to the meal plan and eating more” but I thought I would give you a scientific explanation behind it.

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