I’m Listening Body

Oh Sunday.

Sometimes I feel like the five days of the work week go by so slowly and then Saturday rolls around and it passes at warp speed.

This weekend went especially fast because I literally slept the time away.

This is really weird for me because I normally am not very good at giving my body rest, but Friday, I came home from work to a husband that was sleeping on our couch (he is on night shift so technically this was his bedtime) and I decided to lay down right beside him.

For a glorious twenty minutes, until my dogs started barking like crazy at the delivery man, I took a mid-afternoon snooze that helped give me enough energy to prepare dinner and lay back down to sleep at about 8:30.

I woke up at my usual time, but crawled back in bed shortly thereafter, and actually SKIPPED zumba because I literally could not move fast enough to even think about dancing.

I believe Ryan was astounded when I told him I would be substituting my class for a boring old walk, but was happy to hear I actually honored my body’s request.

I repeated the same pattern of an early bedtime and no zumba this morning and proceeded to take another nap this afternoon.

This may sound like a very boring and unproductive weekend, and I will admit I feel the same way, but maybe this was a sign that I needed to slow down and take a break.

Almost every person in my office is sick and there is nothing wrong with letting yourself have some time to rejuvenate when you just aren’t feeling one hundred percent.

…..

I am saying all this for my sake, hoping that if I spell it out, I might actually start BELIEVING, or accepting it as the truth.

I have a really difficult time wrapping my head around the fact that I may have actually needed that amount of sleep.

Sleep, to me, has always seemed like a waste of time, when I could have been using those hours for something more important, like moving and burning calories!

I have an even harder time justifying eating a normal amount of food when my body didn’t technically “earn” the nourishment.

Ryan will cringe when he reads this because he absolutely detests when I say things like that.

He insists a person does not need to earn nutrition, it just simply requires it to function.

Regardless of activity our bodies are constantly working to keep us alive (which, duh, who doesn’t know that) and that although an increased amount of exercise on certain days may induce a need for more nutrients, that does not mean it needs a deficit in times of rest.

He can explain all his scientific facts to me a million times over.  I can even read them for myself, but when I am in an irrational mood, there is no changing my mind.

I am like a four-year old, focused on one gosh darn thing, and it doesn’t help when I am anxious and antsy because I have been sitting around for two days straight, with little distraction.

Logically I know my stomach did not blow up like a balloon over night, and I did not all of a sudden become an out of control person, but the point is, my brain becomes fixated on negative thoughts and has difficulty reframing.

Sometimes I am fabulous at changing my mindset, and others not so much, but what I am learning is that, it is ok to have these thoughts, as long as they do not translate into actions.

Which means, I need to expect and accept that there will be good days and bad; difficult body image moments, and some that aren’t as challenging, but that does not mean I have to jump on the treadmill, become even more exhausted by skipping some exchanges, or get down on myself because I wasn’t the best susie homemaker.

That being said, there are a few Top Chef episodes I need to catch up on, and my dogs look they need a little snuggle.

I hope you all have a wonderful rest of the weekend!

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10 thoughts on “I’m Listening Body

    • actually its a papillion mixed with a pomeranian! he was a “mistake” at a breeder out in North Dakota and we found him online. haha he is my little baby though. he is such a cuddly little thing!

  1. that is my life: sleep, sleep, sit and read
    i feel like a waste of space
    my career is even in the tubes
    i’m lost and scared

    but i definitely still eat tons…a boring walk …that is the only thing i can do each day…and it is boring and slow and i feel like crying cause i want to do something different…its esp. cumbersome when it is below minus freezing and ice on the sidewalk…

    and i still eat…including bread with my late-supper meal…including chocolate with an already hefty bedtime snack…

    i will gladly borrow ryan for some time so he can try to “coach” me thru….i jest (but its like without that constant reassurance ..i have fulltime self-doubt..i am sick of forcing food to be honest and think i might just go “natural”…but…

    anyway…yep…sit and eat all day…EVERY day…honest affter dinner, i sit down and dont move…tv and books…then a huge snack that leads to overeating…golden globes on tonight…so useless..u would think i’d be doing something to further my future…in the last 5 months, i’ve gained like 3 lbs…big deal..i get weighted again this wednsday..and i know for a fact i haven’t gained…and i need to go back to work and stuff soon…if my mother saw me she would be so disapointed and shocked cause she thinks i’m gaining at a good rate and in the meantime i am lower than the last time i saw her

    just too much on my head CJ…too much…tired of shoving in food…feels wrong..i honest to god don’t even know what to eat anymore..but i can’t afford nor do i trust RD’s…i wish i could find one i liked…but my little town and all the hillbillies…

    • i wish you could see a therapist. you do have too much in your head and you keep judging yourself for eating. you NEED to eat. you say so yourself you have a very long way to go. you are keeping yourself trapped hun. you might be eating at night because you arent eating enough during the day. please take care of yourself and allow your body to be nourished consistently. thats what it needs. food is your medicine.

  2. Are we on the same schedule?! I think we are! haha. Although I went to the gym once this weekend, I did not push myself nearly as hard as I do usually, and for some reason have felt soooo sore that I decided to stay in the rest of the weekend — that means today AND tomorrow. I mean, the goal is NOT to lose weight anymore (sure, it may seem like it is sometimes, but that would just be crazy), and so it’s about time that both of us listened to our bodies like normal people do and realize nothing drastic is going to happen from a couple days of rest. I’m with you on it feeling uncomfortable (mentally), but physically…. I don’t know, this is quite nice 😉

    Have a great rest of your weekend 🙂

  3. I am so proud of you for listening to your body this w/e!!!!!! I know how hard that is and have experienced those thoughts and feeling too. Good job!

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