Last week when I was obviously shaken up at my nutrition appointment about the jump on the scale, my dietician and I had a talk about blogging.
I had told her that sometimes comments people make can affect me in one way or another and she asked if I thought it might be a good idea to take a few steps back from public documentation of my journey and maybe just reflect on things personally.
I actually considered it for about thirty minutes, when I realized why I love blogging, the community, and what it has done for me in the past few months (well years if you consider how long I have been reading).
When I first started to read I felt kind of weird explaining the new hobby to my husband.
I was fascinated by the lives of people I didn’t even know and actually felt like we could be friends.
I learned about new foods, exercise routines, clothing brands, a whole world of people who had similar interests to me!
And then I progressively got worse and deeper into my disorder and was unfortunately planted in the hospital where they are usually not too keen on you reading about “healthy living,” weight-loss, exercise, or anything that could potentially be a trigger.
In residential I wasn’t even allowed near a damn computer so to keep up to date on these things was completely out of the question.
Now I will admit, and I think some of you might need to think about this portion carefully because I know how it is to read about other’s lives and want them to be your own.
You want to be as fast or run marathons.
You want to be able to have all these sweet gadgets that cost oodles of money, or foods that just may be beyond your means.
I KNOW what it feels like to want all those things and then get down on yourself because that just may not be where you are in life right now.
For me, I read all the marathon recaps, running statistics, people able to put together balanced meals and still look absolutely fabulous and I just think, “Oh my gosh why can’t I be like that!”
But that is not what blogging is about.
I never ever ever write things to make others feel bad.
I never explain my situations or ideas thinking that someone else should completely adopt my way and emulate my life in any shape or form.
In fact, I desperately hope that people can take what I post, and use it to help them avoid being in similar scenarios, or to help show that you are not alone in feeling lost, hopeless or just completely unbalanced and struggling.
I blog because through reading others, finding specific people who inspire me, I have come to terms with what I NEED to do, and where I NEED to go, to earn everything I have always admired and strived for; health.
Through this cyber world I have made both virtual and real friends that are beyond my conception of amazing.
Anytime I need support I know I can call to any one of these ladies and they will understand or be able to say the right thing to make me push through even the most dark situations.
I blog because I want to be that for someone else.
I never want to trigger, or hurt you, or make you sad.
I want to be there if you need me, and in a sense, anyone who reads this is helping me, because I am accountable to someone other than my family who has shown that they will love me no matter what.
When I get negative comments; “You are ugly, you look old, you are selfish…” it only tells me I need to do better and pushes me to re-evaluate my choices or personal recovery plan.
So thank you readers, friends, and bl-amily.
You have helped me so much and I only wish I can pay that forward in some way.
Have a super Monday and remember to PTG!!!!