Why I Blog

Last week when I was obviously shaken up at my nutrition appointment about the jump on the scale, my dietician and I had a talk about blogging.

I had told her that sometimes comments people make can affect me in one way or another and she asked if I thought it might be a good idea to take a few steps back from public documentation of my journey and maybe just reflect on things personally.

I actually considered it for about thirty minutes, when I realized why I love blogging, the community, and what it has done for me in the past few months (well years if you consider how long I have been reading).

When I first started to read I felt kind of weird explaining the new hobby to my husband.

I was fascinated by the lives of people I didn’t even know and actually felt like we could be friends.

I learned about new foods, exercise routines, clothing brands, a whole world of people who had similar interests to me!

And then I progressively got worse and deeper into my disorder and was unfortunately planted in the hospital where they are usually not too keen on you reading about “healthy living,” weight-loss, exercise, or anything that could potentially be a trigger.

In residential I wasn’t even allowed near a damn computer so to keep up to date on these things was completely out of the question.

Now I will admit, and I think some of you might need to think about this portion carefully because I know how it is to read about other’s lives and want them to be your own.

You want to be as fast or run marathons.

You want to be able to have all these sweet gadgets that cost oodles of money, or foods that just may be beyond your means.

I KNOW what it feels like to want all those things and then get down on yourself because that just may not be where you are in life right now.

For me, I read all the marathon recaps, running statistics, people able to put together balanced meals and still look absolutely fabulous and I just think, “Oh my gosh why can’t I be like that!”

But that is not what blogging is about.

I never ever ever write things to make others feel bad.

I never explain my situations or ideas thinking that someone else should completely adopt my way and emulate my life in any shape or form.

In fact, I desperately hope that people can take what I post, and use it to help them avoid being in similar scenarios, or to help show that you are not alone in feeling lost, hopeless or just completely unbalanced and struggling.

I blog because through reading others, finding specific people who inspire me, I have come to terms with what I NEED to do, and where I NEED to go, to earn everything I have always admired and strived for; health.

Through this cyber world I have made both virtual and real friends that are beyond my conception of amazing.

Anytime I need support I know I can call to any one of these ladies and they will understand or be able to say the right thing to make me push through even the most dark situations.

I blog because I want to be that for someone else.

I never want to trigger, or hurt you, or make you sad.

I want to be there if you need me, and in a sense, anyone who reads this is helping me, because I am accountable to someone other than my family who has shown that they will love me no matter what.

When I get negative comments; “You are ugly, you look old, you are selfish…” it only tells me I need to do better and pushes me to re-evaluate my choices or personal recovery plan.

So thank you readers, friends, and bl-amily.

You have helped me so much and I only wish I can pay that forward in some way.

Have a super Monday and remember to PTG!!!!

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9 thoughts on “Why I Blog

  1. Blogging TRULY helped me but it also challenged me when I was in recovery. I think no matter what, we will continue to be challenged. Yes, you open yourself up publicly but who’s to say that same comment couldn’t have come from a co-worker or some random stranger on the streets. If blogging is your outlet (it was for me) and you can outweigh the goods over the bads, then I say it’s only helping you in your journey.
    ❤ you always hun!

    • I agree 100%. I’m not as much of a “blogger” as everyone but I was finding myself challenged by reading some blogs. I do get down on myself when I see people who have gone through recovery and are SO much healthier/smarter. But at the same time, it just reminds me there is hope. There is ALWAYS hope. And reading blogs like yours and Lauren’s… I get inspiration and feedback on the struggles I may encounter. Although there are definitely times I see blogging as a problem, I’ve come to realize it is also an outlet for me. A lot of people will NOT want to read my blog. It’s very emotional and since I’m just beginning my recovery, there are a lot of negatives/set backs; however, it’s like a journal for me. When I get upset and just write and write and write, I feel almost… relieved to get it out.Since having an ED, I’ve (of course) become completely alienated from society and having any sort of relationships. Being lonely is hard when you are crawled up in a ball and crying… Who do you go to? But now, I come on here. Write a post. Look at some blogs. Read for hope.

      I’m glad you blog and I’m really glad you decided to keep it up! A lot of the people who leave negative comments do not know the struggles. I just see them more as “misunderstandings”, so I forgive them and move on.

  2. This is such a great post CJ and one people should read! I know exactly what you mean by looking at other bloggers and wanting their lives, or what they are doing and making it seem like everything is so darn perfect. That dang comparison thing is just not good at all, and something I have realized I must stop doing. I definitely plan to write more about that soon.
    And yes, everything you wrote about this community is also so true… it is a place where I can feel safe and supported. Someone can usually relate to what I am saying, and if not, there is someone there to listen.
    What you wrote her is why I blog too

  3. I don’t find your blog triggering at all, I think you work and fight so hard and I know how hard this struggle is. The trick for me was just to cut all those blogs out that were “bad” for me – more annoying than anything else. For one, I don’t think marathons are good for people, every single blog I read about them, the person gets injured. I continually can’t believe the negative comments you get, those people have their own problems! I am glad you make blogging healthy for you and that you have found a community that helps you.

    • my husband says the same things about marathons. hes a nurse and always uses these really big biological terms i dont quite understand but explains our bodies were not meant for that many hours of continuous strain. you are so sweet for all your compliments! thank you 🙂

  4. On-line community use for recovery has had a reasonable body of research suggest it is valuable.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2011/mar/27/blogging-anorexia-saved-my-life

    It is a journey and perhaps your dietician is putting the bug in your ear for future reference — there will come a time, but it is not now, to move beyond the blog.

    I was stalked for 4 years and became heavily involved in a community support forum and it helped me get through the entire thing. But when the time came, I moved on.

    Your observations on how to integrate negative comments are wise indeed. Those with restrictive eating behaviors are often acutely sensitive to criticism and comparison — and it’s tough to take that on while juggling recovery efforts, but it improves resilience which will serve you in good stead for the rest of your recovered life.

    (PS haven’t forgotten that I still have to get your more detail on adequate female athlete nutrition. It’s on the to do this week. Really).

  5. Sometimes I am horrible about comparing myself to other bloggers, thinking I can do as much as they can or I should do as much as they do. Everyone has different factors in their lives and I am slowly realizing that my body can only do so much. I too have found such great support in the online community. Having eating/food issues is so hard to just come out and talk with others who have not experienced what you have gone through. I like that at the end of day, I can find others that relate!

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