Call me a total teeny bopper (does anyone actually use that phrase anymore?!) but my sister, Ryan (he would kill me if he knew I told you he goes too!) and I always used to see the midnight showing of the Twilight movies.
But since I have a job (this is a hint for next weeks reveal of my life-change!) we did not do that this time. Instead we decided to go Friday evening when we were all home from work.
I didn’t really know what to expect considering this was Part I, and obviously it had to set the scene for the next film, but I will tell you, in my opinion, this was BY FAR the worst of all the saga.
I say this for a few reasons….
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVEN’T SEEN IT SPOILER ALERT!!!!
First of all, not much action occurred, and Ryan just kept saying, “all they are doing is sitting around! Where is all the bad-ass fighting?”
Well the answer is, it is in the next installment, but the worst part for me was Bella’s physique, or lack-thereof, for a good half of the movie.
The “thing” that was developing inside her was growing at an exponential rate. I get that.
It was making her sick. I get that too.
It was sucking a lot of nutrition from her body because it was growing and is part vampire.
Don’t all fetuses tend to take nutrition from their mothers?
I understand all this, but really, did they have to make the girl look like a corpse, with chest bones protruding and super-knobby knees, gaunt cheek bones and pointy elbows?
For someone who is not a total negative body-image freak like myself, perhaps her appearance did not phase you.
You might have been sitting there thinking, “Oh, she looks pretty bad, maybe that’s because she is close to death.”
But Ryan and I sat there, hands over our eyes, trying to ignore the collarbone that was practically poking her in the face, because it was totally provoking.
He explained on our way to the parking lot that his reaction was primarily because he remembers a time where he looked at me and felt I had a similar build to the inappropriately skinny Bella.
At my worst point, when he stayed up at night praying and checking my pulse, just to make sure I was still alive, he felt I looked that way, and seeing it on a big screen, brought back too many painful memories.
I was staring at my finger-nail polish because I was so incredibly uncomfortable and TRIGGERED!
Damnit CJ, I thought you were past this point.
I thought my mind was somewhat fixed, but unfortunately, at first sight of her deteriorating body, my heart and mind were totally conflicted.
A part of me saw Bella’s starved body and thought, “Wow she looks horrible, so frail and pathetic.”
…and then my totally distorted, inappropriate, head replied back, “Don’t you miss that…look how fat you have gotten since that time. I wonder if she actually got to lose all that weight or if it was special effects?…CJ, you couldn’t look like that way again if you tried, you pathetic out of control loser…”
I am not lying.
Those are the things (and many more vulgar statements I will refrain from posting on here!) that ran through my mind the entire second half of the film.
It was so distracting, and so annoying, that I barely paid attention.
I know I hurt Ryan to no end when our follow-up discussion in the car reflected the hinge of jealousy I had for this skeletal girl on screen, but I couldn’t help it.
We worked through a lot trying to reframe my negative self-talk and come home to have a normal dinner, but it was hard!
My body is getting “healthy” and making progress way faster than my thought process.
I have so much to work on, and although I really did not care for this movie, I suppose it showed me some of the places I really need to focus on in my recovery.
ACCEPTANCE, especially of my new body, is definitely on the top of my list.
I would LOVE to hear what you thought of the movie? Any other over the age of 14 Twilight fans out there?!