Just A Little Reminder

Ryan and I have officially been married two and a half years on November 19th, but we just got our wedding albums this Saturday!

It is a very long and complicated story as to why it took so long to recieve such sentimental items, BUT after seeing the finished product, it was completely worth the wait.

I wont bore you with every single page, but here are a few just to show you what I had been anticipating for what seemed like forever.

The point to this post is really not the books.

It is more about what the books symbolize for me.

On our wedding day I was not at all close to my lowest weight. I was not yet in any program, nor was I even really noticed as “getting too thin” by any of my family members.

I felt so healthy and strong! I was no where near ready to admit there were any problems in my life.

But that day was filled with so many eating disorder thoughts and behaviors, I am ashamed to admit now.

I started my day with an 8 mile run and strength training session; nothing out of the ordinary from any other morning.

I made sure the chef knew my meal was the special one; raw crab meat instead of a crab cake, steamed vegetables and salad with dressing on the side. And please, photogropher, be ready to stage a few pictures with the cake because there will definitely NOT be any traditional cake face shoving or feeding pictures. In fact, I will not be having any of my cake at all.

I remember when I told my first therapist I did not partake in any “normal” wedding ceremony practices (she was specifically intrigued by the fact that I never had a taste of my wedding cake) I acted as if everyone skipped out on these things.

Now looking back, it isn’t really the missing cake, or varying meal from the rest of our guests, it is more the years following that make me sad.

Please do not mistake what I am saying. My wedding day was one hundred percent amazing in my eyes. I had a wonderful time, danced the night away, hung out with my best friends and family members, but I am sad that at that point I could not see that my head was so clouded with distorted thoughts and behaviors that I too took as long as those darn wedding albums to actually get here.

The pictures came and were a perfect reminder of where I was, how far I have come, and exactly what I have to live for.

I am a firm believer in that sometimes God has a purpose for the things that happen in our lives. Perhaps this was a sign or boost to help me push forward?

Whatever it was, it made me smile, and with the horrific body image and destructive thoughts I have been having lately, smiles have been running in short supply.

So keep your eye out, because maybe you will find a reason to be a better person today. But at the very least, start out with a little PTG! You know you want to on this pretty rainy (at least for us Pennyslvanians!) monday morning!

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8 thoughts on “Just A Little Reminder

  1. Ditto on how beautiful those pictures (and YOU) are!

    You said you weren’t anywhere near to your lowest weight in those pics, and from what I can see, you were soooo gorgeous and truly happy looking. I’m sorry that your wedding day was muddled with ED-guided behaviors — I can relate to my whole college career being that way, but I too believe that things happen for a reason… You getting these pictures at THIS TIME is crazy coincidental! Such a reminder that you have no excuse whatsoever — with such a loving family and wonderful husband who wants to spend his entire life with you — to destroy yourself and your life over food and weight and all that nonsense. I know, it’s not “nonsense” for people going through recovery because it’s a true battle, but you know what I mean! It’s just not worth it to give in to a depressing, sad existence when you are a beautiful, intelligent young woman with so much life ahead of her to share with her husband. Enjoy it! Eat cake! <– That expression wasn't made up for no reason! Cake is part of a fun life too! πŸ˜‰

    Happy anniversary πŸ™‚

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