Mother’s Day Should Come More Than Once a Year

My sister came home with a baby. Not her baby obviously since she has nearly two more trimesters until my niece or nephew is born, but she and her boyfriend were babysitting for another teen mom, this evening and the situation finally hit home. In about 6 months, our house will have a new addition, and I have no freakin clue what I am doing.

I’m almost thankful they chose to baby-sit on a weekend, because his seems like it could be good practice. When the baby comes activities wont be determined by a work week, but instead the fact that she has a 24/7 job as being a mom. Also, Linds is the youngest in my family so other than little cousins or a few odd jobs here or there, I have never seen her with an infant for more than an hour of playtime.

I have to give her credit, she has a phenomenal motherly nature, something I was not blessed with at all, but when she came downstairs to fix a bottle, she seemed so frustrated that the baby would not stop crying.

Call me crazy, because I don’t have kids of my own, but isn’t that what babies do?!

“Yes, CJ, that is what they do! But I don’t know why he crying!!!”

Do you ever know why your child is crying? I have three dogs and when they are doing their little whiny yip, but aren’t dancing around an empty bowl, or standing directly in front of the back door, I have no idea why they are distraught. I am not a mind reader, and neither is she, so how can she expect her own child will be any easier than this one. And this one, she gets to give back in 2 hours.

It makes me very nervous because I feel helpless. I know I can teach her a great many things, but being a mom is not one of them.

I have received glares, anger, resentment, and lots of inquisition, when people ask when Ryan and I plan on having children and I tell them, we really aren’t. I was not the girl who played with baby dolls and fantasized about being a mom. We live completely hectic lives, with individual interests, dreams, and in all honesty are pretty selfish. I hate to admit that, and although I think Ryan would make a fantastic father, we just don’t seem to be all that excited about having babies.

I can speak for myself when I explain why I feel and have felt this way for many years…

I am scared.

I look at my life, right now, which is obviously not the most ideal mental or physical state, and think, if I cannot take care of myself, how could I ever take care of a child I was responsible for on a full-time basis; essentially being in charge of molding the poor thing’s existence into something positive.

I don’t believe I could. I would be too hard on the kid, having ridiculous expectations and creating stress for an innocent child that just wouldn’t be fair.

I would worry everyday that I was screwing up my baby’s life in some way or another and I would HATE if that were the case.

Not to mention, the likelihood of me still being able to have kids is pretty slim…

There are always miracles that occur, and there is no guarantee that I am not fertile, but many doctors have told me that they wouldn’t be surprised if having children was super difficult.

This may sound sort of similar to when I told you about how I push people away before they choose to leave, but it would be easier for me to handle if I elected not to get pregnant, rather than having biology turn me down.

That sounds pretty sad now that I type it out, but I am trying to be honest.

I also worry about neglect. I know I am selfish, but am I overly selfish to the point where I couldn’t properly take care of a child? Probably. Having an eating disorder has made me think I am a seriously bad person, who has no consideration for anyone but herself. And in many instances this is true.

A baby’s schedule would not coincide with mine. And having another person to take care of all the time would prevent us from traveling, and engaging in our every day interests.

Gosh I sound horrible, but after seeing Linds with someone else’s child, I am now scared that I will stink at being an aunt. I had no idea how to help her make this crying baby stop, or to tell her what to do with a container or formula that in my mind looked like protein powder.

So of course I Googled some things, and found some books I will be checking out at the library to learn at least what I can do to make Lindsay and Tyler have an easier transition into parenthood. And I will certainly try my best, but being a mom looks really hard! Seeing all the things they had to do, lug around, and give up, just for one afternoon, made me appreciate my mother, who at 21 gave up her youth to have me.

For all you mothers out there I admire you. You have it tough, and I’m sure some days it can be a thankless job (hello, remember when you were a teenager and a complete nightmare to your mother?!) Perhaps we should consider creating more than one holiday to celebrate all you do, because diaper changing does not look pleasant.

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12 thoughts on “Mother’s Day Should Come More Than Once a Year

  1. You are right in this – mother’s deserve more than one day. It has to be the hardest job in the world…I know that and I’m not even a mother yet. Your words are real and I’ll be praying for you and your family as you go through these tough emotions!

  2. Good luck to Lindsey and Tyler becoming parents.

    I think your decision about kids is a smart one. I’m 25 and have a lot of friends who have or are having kids, and it’s just not for me right now. Maybe later on in life, when I’m obviously physically healthy enough to have them (ED) and emotionally ready (again, ED, like you I’m scared I will “pass it on” especially if I have a daughter).

    People might say it’s selfish to not have kids, but I think it’s more selfish to purposely bring a life into this world if you know you’re not ready (emotionally, mentally, economically). The same goes with ED- it’s not selfish. If for some reason you change your mind and want kids someday, you’re doing your future kids a favor by waiting until you’re recovered and ready to have them.

    • i agree with you amy! and im at the same point you are…all our friends are starting to have kids and it leaves us out sometimes but id rather do whats right for us rather than what makes us fit in!

  3. Finally found someone who is on the same page as me about having children: I don’t want them either and I am sick of people asking my fiance and I about that. It’s not selfish! Like Amy Lauren said above, I think it’s selfish to bring a child into the world because you are responsible for their life, and you don’t know if they wanted life in the first place. I’m not saying parents are bad people, just that if you look at it, at the end of the day, people have children because THEY want to or because it’s an accident. They never asked the child what IT wanted. That’s selfish to me.

    Good luck to you with helping your sister! She is lucky to have you. 🙂

    • thank you!!! and i think you are right that is definitely a personal choice and we need to consider a child’s needs and wants before making such a momunentous desicion!

  4. I’m a mom to a 17 month old little girl. So from experience I wanted to let you know that you shouldn’t worry so much about your sister. Nobody can “teach” somebody how to be a Mom… it’s a learning process only the Mommy can do. Granted, she IS young, but that mothering instinct will kick in the second that baby pops out. Ironically, she WILL know why her own baby is crying the majority of the time. You get to know your own baby’s different cries and you figure out what works best for you and your baby. I wouldn’t worry so much about helping WITH the parenting as I would helping take care of the Momma. She’s going to need a break sometimes for a nap or a shower. So offer to watch the kiddo for an hour. She’s going to need help getting food in her belly so offer her a prepared meal so she doesn’t have to worry about it. Offer support and tell her she’s doing a good job. Just be there for her.

    • thanks for the suggestions! im sure you are right that she will love a quiet hour or date night sometimes and those are definitely things i can provide!!! ou have helped ease my mind immensley 🙂

  5. I think back sometimes about how mean I can be to my mom and it makes me sad because then I realize that one day she won’t be here and I will feel awful for looking back and most of my memories with her are fighting with each other, even though we do usually have a great time together. I think back and remember how mad I was at her and what awful things/names i called her to myself after being locked up in my room but then I try to remeber what pointless thing we were even fighting about and I can’t remember. I agree with you about how there really should be more Mother’s Days. And somehow Ceejay we have to beleive that everything will all fall into place and work out. My only advice for you is hope for the best and start cutting out those coupons for 35 cents off diapers! (Inside Joke) I love you very much and need to spend more time with you, Skylar ❤

    • ohhh sky you make me laugh joking about my extreme couponing!!! i agree that we need to spend more time together! i love you times a million and i keep looking for you at school!!! hopefull ill see you this week!

      • Im always in the skylit locker area and the hall with Mrs. Sullivans science room. I never have to walk more than 10 feet to get to all of my classes

  6. I have the same concerns about parenting that you have. I’ve never been that interested in having kids, but the longer my ED has been part of my life, the more I feel it would be unwise for me to even consider having a child. It’s unlikely I physically could, and if I did, it’s probable I’d pass down a genetic inclination to disorder (my mother has disordered eating or possibly orthorexia; her brother also has severely disordered eating or orthorexia; a cousin on my dad’s side was hospitalized for anorexia—clearly, it runs on both sides of the family). I also question my ability to focus on the child, because I know the ED will always be present and will sometimes take control regardless of where my priorities should be.

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