Fexitarianism

When I was at HLS, Dawn-Jackson Blatner introduced me to flexitarianism, or essentially, part-time vegetarianism with an emphasis on whole foods. I liked this idea because I am a meat-loving girl who isn’t going to give up a good juicy burger (local and grass-fed after Food Inc. of course!) or a refreshing shrimp dish at the shore, anytime soon.  I am, however, open to being more adventurous with our menu planning.  Meatless monday, anyone??  

I also liked this WORD, because it can easily be applied to other aspects of life…

For example, I am horrible with scheduling. Not horrible in the sense that I don’t have a majorly long to-do list, or that I am chronically late.  I am referring to the fact that I have a very RIGID and STRICT schedule that I keep on a daily basis, and if anything falls out-of-place, I have trouble adjusting.  My agenda is completely INFLEXIBLE.

For instance, tomorrow morning my husband is leaving for Colorado to visit his brother. His flight departs Harrisburg (about 45 minutes from our home) at 6:45 in the morning, meaning he needs to be there around 6:00 am. I have to be at school around 7:15 am,  translating to an absolutely jam-packed morning if I woke up at my normal 4:20 alarm, SKIPPED MY WORKOUT, got ready, made breakfast to go, drove Ryan to the airport, and got to school on time.

There were a few things about this scenario that were less than ideal for me.

1. Skipping a morning workout.

I know I addressed this last week but I absolutely cannot function without a morning work out. Its part of my ED, and OCD that I have not been able to let go. Am I trying to work on it? Yes, and I would eventually like to take a rest day, but I was not really ready to have a forced skip this week! This means I either get up at 3:30 and just have one less hour of sleep, I could be a normal individual and push my workout to the evening, or probably an even “better” idea would be just forgo exercise for the day entirely.

The latter option was NOT an option in my mind (I’m sad to admit I’m just not ready for that!) So I’m either getting up three hours before the sun, or being ultra-uncomfortable all day and getting on the treadmill after dinner.

Oh the dilemma I am facing, I realize is pretty silly in any normal mind, but I have been a little crazy (well more crazy than usual) lately because of a pretty significant weight increase last nutrition appointment and an intense hunger that doesn’t go away, even at 2 o’clock in the morning (See previous posts from the weekend). I really need a reframe and a bit of sense knocked into me because the answer should be obvious, I am just “choosing” not to see it.

2. I am sad Ryan is leaving.

Between our completely opposite work and sleep schedules, we have not seen each other much at all in the past few weeks. I feel weird admitting this, but I really miss him. I have missed him even when he is home, so I am bummed he is going to Colorado for a week where we wont talk much because we are not huge phone people, the time differences conflict, and I wont be able to at least hug him in passing. I am normally not good at expressing emotions or being all sappy and lovey but for some reason, I just can’t help it right now!

3. The third and final reason I found the airport drive inconvenient is because I have incredible obsessiveness about time, and have every part of my morning routine down to the minute.

It’s hard to describe through a written blog, but I get my the treadmill by 4:25. I get off by 5:27 (which gives me a 2 minute cushion just in case). I get in the shower and am out by 5:40. I put on my make-up and get ready by 6:15. I then travel downstairs and have a precise order I prepare my breakfast, make my tea, pack the things I hadn’t the night before and I leave my house by 7:07.

Yes, it is that rigid, and I feel like a nut case some days. If anything is off by even a minute I have a ton of anxiety. This is something I am definitely working on with my treatment team, because life does not work on an exact time-frame…there needs to be room for unexpected changes or alterations because it is a guarantee that they will happen.

Last year I read the book Brain Locked, a psychological text about OCD and how to break certain patterns that might keep you trapped into rigid of a mind-set. It was pretty lengthy and somewhat boring at times, but did have some useful information that I tried to implement in my life.

One of the things the author suggested, and I try to do is change something SMALL (not an hour and a half round trip to the airport!) in my routine every day. This may mean having a frozen waffle instead of an English muffin, applying eye-shadow before my powder, making my smoothie after eating rather than before, anything that could potentially trigger my brain to change its course. Is it uncomfortable? HECK YES! The first time I did it I felt so off! But like most things, with continued practice it got a lot easier.

I am trying to look at tomorrow morning in the same way. Although it is a much bigger change than I think I am prepared for, it’s a good challenge for me to have, and an opportunity to incorporate FLEXITARIANISM into a very important segment of my life.  As I said, life if not planned down to the second, and part of what makes living exciting, is spontaneity.  Without becoming a little more flexible I honestly believed I wont be able to obtain recovery, or the existence I ultimately want for myself and my family. 

So the Flexitarian diet begins tomorrow.  Not because I am only having plant-based food, but because I am going to step out of my box and change it up, making a completely ridiculous and rigid morning routine, one that gets extra time with Ryan.  How’s that for looking at the glass half full?!

Wish me luck!!!

What does you morning look like?

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7 thoughts on “Fexitarianism

  1. I’m usually a disaster in the morning. Scott usually gets up before I do, then comes in 10 min later to drag me out of bed. I throw on whatever isn’t wrinkled (usually jeans, tee, and sneakers), brush my teeth, get downstairs to do our bagels and toss some kind of lunch together, and then we’re out the door. I’ve been really missing Scott and wish he was just in Colorado! When he lived in Chicago and traveled around the most we had to deal with time difference-wise was 1-3 hours, which became doable. Right now he’s 12 hours ahead of me and we’ve barely been able to talk more than a few messages and some emails. I cannot wait for him to come home!

  2. I think you are choosing the a healthy path. Spending time together, even though it’s early, can be a nice and enjoyable way to start the day. Sometimes I too have to forget my routine and just go with what life throws at me, and that’s not easy. It’s hard when you have to change and adjust. I’m proud of you, can’t wait to see how things go! Have a great day!

  3. My mornings are rough because I binge late at night and have to get up by 6:30 – at the LATEST. Then I spend all my time preparing breakfast full of anxiety and stress because I have to return emails and get ready to get to work (which is another source of stress). It dawned on me this morning how bad this has gotten.

    You are doing so good. Remember – you are NOT going to die, get fat or be lazy for skipping a day of walking. TRUST ME. Remember, you are NOT alone.

    In terms of the weight and hunger increase – y’know I wouldn’t eat care at this point that I was eating more foods and the binging if they were “healthier”/normal foods…but sadly they’re not. Rather, every night, it’s chocolate. As in Reese’s Pieces and mini-eggs – by the eggs. So ashamed. Nightly. I get so mad that I give in and run to the store to buy them even when I don’t even care or want it!

    Be strong!

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