One of my sister’s friends passed away this week in a motorcycle accident. He was 19 years old, love by so many people, and was taken way too early. This got me thinking about things in my personal life that need to change, but I have had immense difficulty changing them. As I have shared in previous posts I have struggled with an eating disorder for a pretty long time. In the past two years I have gone through lots of treatment nutritionally, therapeutically, etc. And sometimes I get pretty close to making a breakthrough and actually become a better person. But then something stressful happens, or I let negative body-image and fat talk plague my recovery and I resort right back to old habits. Not only has this been frustrating for me, but it has been really really hard on my family. Eating disorders are a silent killer, a slow painful death because we often can’t see the damage done to our bodies. I am the queen of this and have a million excuses, “Oh something bad could never happen to me! I am not restricting or hurting myself by watching what I eat. I feel great and still have a very productive life!…” I mean the list could go on forever and ever. I see a therapist once a week, which I used to be very ashamed of, but she has been a wonderful force in my recovery. She was trying to help me think a little bit more rationally this morning as I was making yet another excuse about why I could not possibly follow the meal plan a professional has created just for me. She looked me straight in the eye and explained the scary statistics of how many people my age (and all ages!) have irreparable damage because they could not let go of a destructive lifestyle. She then continued that eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all psychiatric disorders. Now I already know all the facts and figures, but then I thought about my sister’s friend. He was 19, out for a joy ride with friends, loved life, and is now gone. It is such a morbid thought, but essentially everyday I continue with my unhealthy behaviors increases my chances for an early loss of life. What do I do? How can I change who I am to take full advantage of the blessings God has given me.
Everyone has heard the sayings, “live life to the fullest…carpe diem!” And maybe I should think of them more. Today could be my last day on earth and how would I want to be remembered? As the girl with an eating disorder who agonized over the calories in a cookie? Or do I want to be remembered as a good person who celebrated life and contributed positively to society? I will take the latter thank you very much.
How do you celebrate life? How do you overcome bad habits?