I am by no means a healthy living blogger.  I wish I was.  I read everyday envious and inspired by the daily happenings and eats posted in all my favorite blogs as I beat myself up plan for a better day tomorrow.  In my teens I was proud of the life I lived…active, conscious of what I ate but not in an obsessive way.  In the past two years I took these habits to an extreme, coupled that with a bunch of negative-self talk and took a pretty bad downward spiral. But after reading Caitlin’s blog last night, about Tonya’s strength in her battle against cancer, I started thinking about how petty I was being.

Really CJ, you are going to complain about a meal plan you have to follow?  How you will not be allowed to run until you reach a healthier place?

After a pretty pathetic meeting with my dietician today I decided to make some goals.  Not calorie goals, because in my world those can never be met from a healthy stand point or from an eating disordered one.  But my goals today are about real food.  So here goes…

1. Eat more REAL food

For so long I have relied on a package to determine whether or not what I was eating was appropriate according to some number on the calorie content line.  Calories do not translate to health.  Fruit and vegetables do not come in a wrapper and yet they are some of the best things for you!  So from now on I will eat more of these, and others that do not come with a label.  Thank goodness for a day off tomorrow and a trip to Great Harvest and Whole Foods 🙂

2. Eat socially.

I tend to worry about other’s judging me when I eat.  Ok, not just when I eat but all the time, so I pretty much avoid eating outside my own kitchen or around people other than my immediate family.  But tomorrow my grandpa is coming over for lunch and I will stay present and enjoy my conversation with him rather than focusing on all the wrong things.

3.  Say something nice to myself

I need to quit to fat talk and remind myself that I do have some good qualities! Am I perfect?  No, absolutely not, but I am beautifully and wonderfully made in the eye’s of God.   I need, and everyone else out there, needs to start focusing on what makes us special and not being as concerned with all the things deemed wrong.

4. Listen to my body

REREAD THIS CJ.  When you are hungry it is your body’s way of telling you something.  You are hungry in the morning because your body has taken a nice peaceful walk.  You are getting fueled for a busy day ahead and you deserve to enjoy your food just like nature intended.  Do not over-exercise or compensate because you feel like you ate too much.  Listen to your body’s cues and do what you know is the right, healthy, balanced choice.

5. Keep reminding yourself why recovery is important!

For the past few years I have merely been existing.  This was supposed to be the summer I started LIVING again.  There is no better time than the present!

What are your goals for the day, week, summer?  Do you find it helpful to write them down/share them with someone else?


4 thoughts on “HELP!

  1. Hi CJ! I saw this on your Facebook and I wanted to say hi! These are really great goals for yourself. I know it probably doesn’t seem like it, but you have made a ton of progress these past few years. I don’t know if you remember this, but we met the first time when you were at Hershey in December of 2009. Between then and last summer when we met again in program, you were so much stronger. Think about the little differences in what you do and how you think that are healthier now than the used to be, because I’m sure there are more than you think. I’m doing a lot better now, but I still have moments all the time where I hate my body and myself and my thoughts start to spiral out of control. But now, I can stop myself from behaviors, whereas before the thoughts would control me.

    You are so strong and kind and you were an inspiration to me all last summer. You’ve been battling this for so long and even though you haven’t completely vanquished it yet, you’re still fighting — and that is what is most important.

    Love love love,



    You should add “Have fun!” to your goals 🙂

  2. I like to write down my goals and publish them for others to see. By sharing them with other people, I hope to keep myself accountable for the goals I put out there. I have a long list of goals that I’m working on for 2011. Some I’m doing really well at and others not so much. But they are just goals – life will not end if I don’t finish everything on my list. If I made a good attempt at each of them then I will be happy.

  3. Hey there!
    Wow, is this the same girl I met at Princeton? You have made great strides in your outlook on life. The fact that you are willing to try a different way of life is huge. With an ED (as you know) there is no “predictable path to recovery”. Everyone is different. You see this now…… Life is meant to be lived in color…not black and white (:

    • Thank you Sarah! I am glad you stopped by to take a peak! I hope all is well with you. You were right when you told me this is such a long process, taking patience and kindness towards yourself. Please keep me updated and best of luck! xoxox ❤

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